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Year: 2008

The Power of Present

The Power of Present

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In a workshop I recently attended, Prof. Jacob Raju posed a very interesting question to us.

“When you think of the past, the feelings you go through, might be joy, sorrow, regret, remorse, anger, frustration or hatred. And when you think of the future, you might feel secure, insecure, anxious, worried, afraid or pensive. But,” he said, “can you tell me what the emotions of the present are?”

We tried to answer, but inevitably, every emotion we came up with could be attributed to a near or distant past or future related emotion. He then explained. “Any negative emotions you go through, happen when you are living in the past or the future. When you stay in the present, you become relaxed, fully alert, and perform better”

What a magnificient statement. And how true. I guess meditation is also just that – living in the present, which is why many insist we should meditate frequently – so that we spend atleast SOME moments per day, living in the present.

And it is this living in the present which is so pleasureable, so blissful, that makes people run after various things in life. Take a man who loves bungee jumping, for example. During that free fall, all the senses are numbed, and he can think of nothing but the fall – his moments in the present. Which is why he finds it so pleasureable. The same goes for all adventure lovers.

But, people who tend to live in the future will find such things abhorrent, since they would constantly worry about what might go wrong in the next few moments, whether they would die or injure themselves. They are happier watching a horror show on television – something that has all their senses in the present, and leaves them no room for thoughts of anything else.

Then there are workaholics, who don’t think of anything else while they work, which is why they think work must be bliss. Others like to eat. When one smells, views and tastes great food, it involves all the senses in the present, and for some amount of time, the mind has no room for any other thoughts. Bliss again.

Unfortunately, all of us turn towards our favourite activity to keep us in the present for a few lucky moments, many never realising that it wasn’t about the activity at all. It was always about staying in the present. So why not start staying the present consciously, without having to depend on any activity? Wouldn’t that be so much better, quicker path to happiness?

So how does one stay in the present?
What does one do, when one is plagued by the sorrow of the past or the anxiety of the future? The solution, again from Prof. Jacob Raju, is simple. Our mind has the capacity to multitask between 5 to 9 tasks simultaneously. That is why when we sit to meditate, we are concentrating on one thing, and at the same time thinking about breakfasts or boyfriends. The problem is, we aren’t concentrating on enough things.

When you find your mind multi-tasking to think about painful moments, focus. Watch your surroundings carefully, keeping your eyes busy. And then, start focussing on the sounds around you – while making sure you concentrate on what you’re seeing too. And then start observing your breath. All at the same time. Watch, listen, observe. Relax. And then close your eyes and concentrate on the top of your head. And let the feeling sink… in…

The Secret of Happiness

The Secret of Happiness

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An RJ recently asked on S FM, what one needs most to be happy. Barring one caller, every single other person said the same thing – ‘Money!’. Sadly, most of them weren’t joking, and one even argued her side of the case bitterly.

As we discussed the same topic over tea with a hint of sorrow towards those who felt that way, my friend protested. ‘Look,’ she said, ‘take my example. I feel happy when I spend time with friends. I’m happy right now because we’re all together! But the sandwiches of Daily Bread do not come for free! If we have to hang out together, and thereby if I have to be happy, I need money!’

Hmmm…. what logic. The argument twisted and turned that evening, but I am countering this particular line here, since I have reason to believe that many might feel the same way. I’d like to know one thing; if you are with your best friend, does it really matter whether you are chatting up over a dinner at Taj, or whether you are eating bhelpuri at a stall in the street?

Happiness is not something to be pursued, it is something you have within you – you can be happy even in the most dire of situations. You can be broke, hungry, disabled, cold and lonely and still be happy – IF you want to. The problem is, most of us are so busy chasing momentary joys, that we have no time to explore permanent happiness.

Many people use the line ‘I will be happy when …..’ replaced by whatever you are pursuing right now. Life doesn’t work that way. Once you achieve that, you will have something else to run after. If you want to be happy, you can be happy right now, right here.

My aunt is a teacher in a school at Jaipur, where they have an exchange program with a UK school, so that some students from here go there, and some British students come to India for a month. One year, instead of the usual agenda, the teachers decided that the British students should see Indian village life. Therefore, when they landed at Jaipur, they were taken to a poor, poor village in Rajasthan, where the poverty was so high, that they used broken pots to cook rotis, had to walk miles for water, and ate nothing but chili chutney with roti for all meals. Needless to say, the students were terrified. They were left there to spend two weeks!

When the authorities returned to pick the children up, many of them started crying. Coming from affluent homes in Britain, many had never lived life without a washing machine, a WC, a bathtub, or atleast bread and butter. But two weeks in a poverty stricken village, and most didn’t even want to go back home. Why? Because they found happiness here. How then, pray tell me, can money bring you happiness?

The villages, despite their means, would get together every evening, dance, talk and gossip. They were affectionate towards each other, and there was no competition with one’s neighbour over who has the best TV. No desires. No misery.

People feel that they wouldn’t progress in life if they have no desires. They are so wrong. Since many people work ONLY because they work towards a want, they feel that if they don’t want anything, they won’t work. On the contrary, when you start doing your duty for what its worth, instead of working for a gain, you work better. Success is far more likely to kiss the feet of those who value the right things.

Which is why, those who chase, chase for the rest of their lives, just like a dog chasing its tail.

The secret of happiness lies in satisfaction – satisfaction with what you already have. The secret of happiness lies in living in the present. The secret of happiness lies in asking yourself what you can DO, instead of what you can GET. Instead of looking at those more successful, more affluent and more powerful than you, if you look at those who are poorer, less intelligent and less successful than you are, you will find joy. Which is why, I guess, those who help others are always happy – because they are frequently exposed to those who are far less lucky.

Set your priorities right, and figure out what you really want in life. And for your own sake, do not lead yourself into believing that it is the only thing which will bring you joy. Because the only person in the world who can make you happy, is YOU.

Decisions: Making the Tough Choice

Decisions: Making the Tough Choice

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Standing at crossroads? There is only one way to go – the right way

Every once in a while, life places us at crossroads, and we have to choose which direction we want the remainder of our life to head. These choices are often quite tough, and the dilemma leaves many a mind distressed.

One such distressed soul recently posed some questions to us.
1) How should one know what is good for him, when he finds himself left with 2 options and both of them go in completely opposite directions?
2) How much importance should one give to others happiness when its on the cost of his own?
3) How to remove the fickleness of mind and make it steady and firm to his decisions?
4) What are the grounds or factors upon which one should take the major decisions of life?
5) How do we get confidence in our own decisions?
Life always presents us with tough choices, to test what we have learned so far. Often such situations leave us completely confused, as we have to choose between conflicting interests.

The first thing to do here, would be to prioritize. Here you will have to fight your fickle-mindedness first, which you can do with regular meditation.

Take some time to steady your mind, think about it and then see what is the most important to you. This is help you decide the direction in which you want to head. Obviously you will have to compromise on some things, but then, life does not give you all the things you want. There has to be a trade-off somewhere. This answers the first and third questions.

2) How much importance should one give to others happiness when its on the cost of his own?
It is always your own happiness you think about. Even as you wonder whether you should worry about others’ happiness, you are really thinking only about yourself. If bringing sorrow to your loved ones will bring you pain, it is something to think about again.

Regarding others’ happiness, remember this. If the matter to decide concerns only you, then you need not worry about others. But if it concerns them too, then you might have to consult them. In things like marriage, it is really your decision alone, because you and not them, will have to spend the rest of your life with the person.

4) What are the grounds or factors upon which one should take the major decisions of life?
Major decisions should be taken keeping in mind your progress as a person. The path that will help you change for the better, is the best path to take. Unfortunately, people base these decisions on factors like lust, money and power, which do not last and bring misery in the long run.

5) How do we get confidence in our own decisions?
You can have the confidence by having faith in your destiny. As long as you have based your decision on what you think is right, and not based them on greed or fear, life will always side you. Once a decision is made, one must forget about the other option completely, and never compare, for the grass always looks greener on the other side, but seldom is, in reality. One must focus on making the best of the current situation instead of thinking of one might have lost.

Dealing with Anger

Dealing with Anger

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Is your anger burning setting your life on fire?

Heaven and hell aren’t places
That we go occupy after death
It is in every moment of our day
We live them in every breath

Hell has its gates open wide
For those weary, lost travellers
It soon becomes home for those
Living out their anger, hate and fears

Heaven isn’t too hard to achieve
But its gates aren’t open either
The gates are closed, locked
To be opened by someone who bothers

The lock is nothing but anger
The fury which builds in a heart
The emotion which keeps you in hell
The emotion which tears you apart

When things don’t go your way
When everything is just so wrong
Let your heart be free of anger
And you’ll be in heaven before long

Everytime you’re angry, think again
And let forgiveness take its place
Think of joy, think of love
And let the feelings show on your face

It isn’t so difficult
And smiles are never too far
When love is all that fills your heart
You’ll find Heaven’s doors opened ajar

Anger is one of the most damaging of all emotions, capable of undoing years of hard work, and breaking precious hearts in a matter of moments. Capable of wreaking havoc with the body of the angry. But it still rules the minds of so many. Why?

A closer analysis of anger subconsciously gives people a sense of control and gets things done their way. Eventually, it becomes a way of life, and when their anger starts hurting loved ones, they find themselves unable to change.

The Damage to Health
Getting angry is quite like drinking too much alcohol. You’re completely out of control and it feels good, because sometimes people get tired of controlling themselves. It also sends the adrenal glands into an overdrive, flooding the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisone.

Adrenaline increases the heartbeat and breathing rates, elevates blood pressure and raises metabolic rates. It prepares the body for a fight or flight response, shuts down the digestive system (which is why, anger during or immediately after meals is the most damaging) and prepares muscles for physical exertion.

Cortisone increases blood pressure, mobilizes fat and glucose, subdues allergic reactions, reduces inflammation and can decrease the number of some white blood cells that are involved in dealing with invading particles or bacteria. Consequently, increased cortisone levels over a prolonged period of time lowers the efficiency of the immune system and makes a person potentially more susceptible to infections and even to cancer.

What not to do
While we know that outbursts of anger are damaging, suppressing anger is also equally damaging, and its effects show up in the long run. Anger should neither be released in an outburst, nor suppressed. It should be managed.

Managing Anger
Getting rid of anger is not an easy job, and not a quick one. It takes time, patience and determination. One needs to take it one step at a time, one outburst at a time. If you could get someone to record an outburst, you would realise how frivolous and ridiculous you are when you get angry. You say things that you don’t mean, and probably don’t remember after you have cooled down. But your loved ones do.

Walk Away
When you get angry, just walk away. Take a walk, go for a run, or physically exert yourself until you are calm.

Write A Letter
When you’re angry, there are a million things you want to tell the person in front of you. Instead of screaming it in their face, write it all down in a letter, but do not give it to them until you are calm. Once calm, you’ll probably want to burn the letter.

Analyse
Ask yourself why you are angry. And whom you are angry with. Is it really worth fighting with someone you love? Or is it really worth risking your job?

The Long Term Solutions
Meditate
Meditation helps you keep your mind in control. It also makes you more relaxed, and thereby less prone to getting angry.

Replay
Whenever you have had an outburst or have controlled your anger, replay the events of the day in your mind. Analyse and ask yourself what you could/ should have done, and how you behaved. Resolve to do better next time.

Deal with It
If you were angry for a valid reason, deal with the situation. Once you have calmed down, let the other person know the reason for your anger and how you would like things to be. Clarify, discuss, and reach a conclusion. Always let the other person know that you were angry and what made you angry.

Finally
An angry outburst is not justified irrespective of the reason for the anger. It might be something trivial and silly, or something grave and important, but an outburst is not the way to handle it. First calm down, and then deal with the situation with proper thinking and planning. This will get you the most effective results. The key phrase here is Respond, not React

Dare to be Free

Dare to be Free

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Break the chains that you don’t even know exist

Most of us live in free, democratic countries. We have freedom of speech, freedom to act, and freedom to live any which way we want! Do we, really?

Freedom is a very big word. And although we all wish for it, when it does come to us, we spurn it. Are you really free? Free from worries, anger, hatred and most importantly, greed? Are you really independent? Are you in control of your actions, not being bullied, blackmailed, tricked and pleaded into doing things? Are you really free enough to dare to dream, and dare to make those dreams come true, without fear of failure?

The sad truth is, we are chained. By ourselves, by our fears, our insecurities and our past. But, although we occasionally dream of it, we still do not want to be free. For, with freedom, come responsibilities. If you are free, you cannot blame anyone anymore, because you are responsible for everything you are, and everything you say and do.

We worry about what the society will think if we do something offbeat, but we are unconcerned when we litter the streets, lie to our children, bargain for a petty sum of money, talk loudly in restaurants, or break queues. Sab chalta hai!

Despite the responsibilities, freedom is sweet. It is something to strive for. It is something that is essential to our growth. You can choose to be free. Choose to take control of your life. We think that emotions just ‘happen’, but we are wrong. Circumstances are out of our control, but our feelings are not. You can choose to feel or not feel, provided you are aware of yourself and your surroundings.

Observe yourself like a third person. Everything you do, ask yourself if you are setting an example. We try to hide our misdeeds from others. But can you hide them from you? Be true and honest to yourself. Try to find a responsible, brave person in the mirror.

Own up for yourself. Fulfill your needs, and chase your ‘wants’ only through the right paths. The next time you feel chained by emotions, ask yourself if you really need to go through those emotions. Realise that you feel because you choose to feel. Often, we are so busy ‘feeling’ -depressed, angry, hurt, – that we have no time or energy left to change things. Choose to feel good. Choose to grow.

Coping with Emotional Turbulence

Coping with Emotional Turbulence

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When it gets dark and cloudy
And nature whips up a storm
It leaves everything wrecked
Abused, destroyed and torn

It is the eye of the storm
That’s the safest place to be
But it moves, before we know
No one is spared its fury

There is no escape
From things we are destined to bear
They comes and wreck up our lives,
But success lies in our capaciy to repair
The root cause of all our problems – whether mental, emotional or physical, lies in only one place – our mind. When something goes wrong, we tend to toss it in our minds, looking at the problem from all sides, analysing how it will devastate our lives, how things could get even worse, and so on. If one could just decide to stop thinking of it all, there would probably be no problems at all, but no, things just never seem to work that way.

The statement ‘take life as it comes’ has a much deeper meaning and is much tougher to apply in real life. We have to learn to accept our problems. More often than not, it is not the problem we are afraid of, but that it might last that way forever, or might make things worse. Just like if you try to run away from a dog, it will run after you, the more you try to get rid of a problem, it will make life more miserable for you.

This does not mean that we should not work towards solving problems – it just means that when we are trying to solve problems, we must remove from our mind, the fear the the problem might not get solved. It will.

This too shall pass
Once we realise that problems are here only to go, it will change our attitude to problems. To understand this concept, think of the most trying time you went through, and see how things sorted out themselves. That phase went away, this will too. Think of the good times, they went away too. Change is the only constant in life!

Having to Decide
Depression and fear are at their peak, when time is running out and one has to make a crucial decision fast. In situations such as these, we tend to get worried that we might make the wrong choice and end up suffering for the rest of our lives. Wrong. There is no such thing as a wrong decision – both the paths will teach you important lessons, and help you grow, which is the ultimate purpose of your life on earth.

The most helpful in a case like this, is to find someone who you know will help you put things in perspective, weigh the pros and cons and decide. And once the decision is made, never look back. Regret is only an excuse for your current failure.

Accept it
When you are depressed or afraid, do not worry over it. It is normal, and happens to everyone at some point in time. Accept your state, accept your misery, and accept that you are not being your normal, happy self. Give yourself that allowance, after all, you’re only human! It is ok to be depressed, and that does not make you any less lovable. Tell yourself that this is only a passing phase, and soon you’ll be happy again, and this will be nothing but a forgotten chapter of life.

What is God?

What is God?

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I’ve been on a few religious and spiritual forums lately, and it is very interesting to observe the concepts of God that people carry in their minds. Some people are even afraid of hell!

People seem to believe that there is a God somewhere, who’s looking at us and deciding whether what we are doing is right or wrong, and whether we should be punished or forgiven. Some have lost faith because ‘God’ did not help them, and claim they don’t believe in God anymore, silently hoping in their heart somewhere that ‘God’ feels ashamed at losing a devotee and starts answering their prayers.

This, I believe, is one biggest disadvantage of religion. All religions. They humanised God. And man, with that gigantic ego of his, will obviously be more than pleased to be told that God is someone who looks and thinks just like him, only in a more ideal fashion. If that is the concept of God for you, God does not exist.

There are others who believe God can be seen. I, for instance, know people who have seen Lord Shiva, Ma Kali, and other God appear before them. These people believe they have seen God, and they are blessed. But these are not Gods! These are just superior spirits, who can help us when we pray to them. If you start praying to Mahatma Gandhi today with all your devotion, it is only a matter of time before his spirit will come before you and give you advice. I repeat that these are not Gods. They are spirits. Vibrations. Deities.

For all those who believe that God looks like man, lets do a reality check here. Look at the ocean. Or the sky. And try to feel your significance. Do you realise just how small a spec you are, on earth, leave alone the universe? And do you think God could be someone like you?? Or maybe you think that God is like you, only much much bigger, like maybe thousands of feet tall. Please, gimme a break! Religious leaders projected God as human so that men with poor imagination will have someone to respect and fear, but preachers took it a bit too seriously. God is not human!

So what is God? When you breathe, your lungs fill with life, and pass it on to the rest of your body – that is God. The vibration in each atom of your body, is God. The vibration in each atom, in every single object on earth, is God. That is why we are all one. The whole universe is nothing but a combination of mass and energy. It was nothing but energy initially (and it is said this energy vibrated in ‘Om’, which is why the sound has such power even today), and it started culminating into matter with the big bang. Since then, the universe is evolving. That universe is God. God, is evolving.

God does not watch, God does not punish – because God is not separate. You are God. You are the doer. And the universe follows the ‘Every action has an equal and opposite reaction’ rule, so everything you do, comes back to you. You throw a ball up, it comes down. You do something good, something good happens to you. You do something bad, something bad happens to you. So it really isn’t punishment – it is just a return of your actions. Everything you do comes back, and if you don’t like the outcome, you say that you are being punished.

If you truly want to get in touch with the God that you are, meditate. Religious books will only take you so far, and you will have to walk on your own beyond a point. So why not start right away?