Zen: The Art of Nothing

When I head the term ‘motivational speaker’, I’m always amused. A person who needs to be motivated is clearly stuck doing something highly unpleasant, because otherwise he/she would have done it without motivation.

Motivation and will power are tools used by people who have objectified themselves. Those who are ‘in alignment’ – they want to do what is good for them because they care for themselves enough. It is when you don’t care about yourself enough that you need external rewards – and motivational speakers to remind you of potential rewards. Essentially you’re still stuck with the carrot-stick parenting you were raised with.

You haven’t resolved your relationship with your parents, so you’re still stuck with the ‘inner parent’ telling you what to do and the ‘wounded inner child’ protesting and focusing on the immediate rewards. And as long as these two parts of you are fighting, the one that wins is the one who has the most incentive. Hence motivation – incentivise the inner child.

‘Living in alignment’ on the other hand – what does that mean? It means your body, mind and spirit function as one unit, not separate parts all trying to use and bully the other into doing something. Do you stand in front of the buffet spread on a full stomach and try to resist that extra piece of cake? That’s you out of alignment. When there’s alignment, there will be no desire. And it’s actually not that hard to get there – although a sincere effort is key.

When you’re living in alignment, you do things because they’re good for you, and you enjoy doing them, even if they are momentarily unpleasant. Motivation is not required, because there’s inner motivation ‘this is good for me/ this is the right thing to do’. When you push yourself through will power, you either hurt yourself directly or indirectly, either by injuring yourself or relationships in some way, or by getting sick as a result of the inner friction you are constantly living with.

So the next time you find yourself stuck in an inner conflict, just pause a moment and ask yourself “What would I have done if I really loved me and wanted the best for me?” and for the long term, heal your inner child, and learn to love yourself more deeply. Because it truly is worth it.

We all know that the external world is a reflection of our inner world. But the opposite is also true. We construct our inner world based on the information we receive from the external world. And this is a problem, because no matter what information we receive, that is not who we are.

None of us can see ourselves – none of us knows exactly what we look like, physically, emotionally, etc. So we use mirrors to determine where we stand and what we’re worth. So when others perceive us as ugly, we think Oh, I’m ugly. When others hurt us, we think Oh, I deserve to be hurt. And this is ESPECIALLY true for us when we’re children. It’s also true for a lot of adults because most adults are still just little children in big bodies. Most people tend to still base their self-worth on what others think of them, or they become rebels and invite judgment – both are equally dependent on opinions.

But you know what, the issue was never that you got judged, or abandoned, or wounded by someone else. When you go deep enough you realise that the real problem is that you decided to judge, abandon or wound yourself when it happened. Whenever I’ve asked a distressed client in the heat of the moment, to simply hug themselves and tell themselves “I love you, I am here for you no matter what” and to mean it, it’s led to a flood of tears. Because you miss no one more than you.

So the next time you feel alone and abandoned, just hug yourself and say the magic words. And mean it. And cry, cry and cry. Until you smile.

The last few days have been bizarre. A friend shared with me that Mars-Pluto conjunction is causing upheavals, power struggles and misdirected anger. And boy, haven’t we seen this in action?

I’ve observed that those who have been practicing deep listening and a strong spiritual practice have remained stable – letting the inner storm stay separate from their outer world. While the others have succumbed to passive aggressive behaviour or overt aggression.

How do you move past the anger you are feeling? The first step is to stop making it about the outside world. Yes, a lot of nonsense is happening. But if you want to poison your body with disease-creating toxic chemicals just because other people are acting like fools, do it consciously, with full awareness and by choice.

When we are children, anger gets results. We shout and scream, and our parents relent, unless they know better. This teaches us that anger creates change. But guess what, real life is very different. Your anger is not going to change anyone else, it can only flood your system with cortisol and adrenaline and weaken your immune system and compromise your mental and physical health.

So turn inwards, become completely aware of the anger you are feeling, and just BE that anger. Don’t fight it by trying to externalise it, Just feel the anger spreading to every cell of your body as you inhale, and feel the discomfort, welcome it. And keep your focus on your breath. And watch, as it fades away.

Why is this world called Maya – Illusion? Because most of what you see has nothing to do with the truth. For instance, think about all the times you’ve been shamed for not being good enough. 

Do you realise that when someone tells you that you aren’t good enough, they actually want you remain never-good-enough? That’s the whole game here – think about it – When someone complains that you aren’t good enough, if you change that one trait, then the complaining should stop immediately. But it doesn’t. It just moves on to something else. 

I’ve encountered both kinds of people. Those who support real change hold your hand, love you even though you’re flawed, and help you up. Those who just want a person they can shame and feel good about themselves will point out your flaws as if something’s wrong with you. Shame you, compare you, reject you, abandon you. 

Having said that, there’s no point in judging such a person – this is all they know. The more you try to fight this, the more you engage with it, the more you energise and re-create it. Also be aware that the world is a reflection – if this is happening to you, it means you are doing it to others. 

If you’d like to actually do something to help yourself, deepen your witnessing of the situation, witness what they are projecting on to you, become aware that they are sucking your energy by shaming you, and that you’re never going to be good enough for them, become aware of your own feelings in this matter, and if you cannot simply witness it non-judgmentally, then take help with healing it.

Are you truly free? Many of us think we’re free, and we value our freedom, but really all we’re looking for is an excuse to continue to be addicted. Are you truly free to choose NOT to?

If you’re in front of your favourite dish on a day when you shouldn’t eat it for some reason – are you truly free enough to say no? Are you truly free enough to make the choice to exercise, and have your body comply? Are you free to not procrastinate when you’re feeling lazy? Are you free to skip watching TV/ social media and meditate instead when you’re exhausted? Are you free to do what you know is right for you, even though there may be reasons why you don’t want to do it right now?

If not, how are you free? We’ve confused hardcore enslavement with freedom, and confused being emotionally shut down for being happy. Most people who tell me they’re happy are just shut down. I don’t tell them what I see, what would be the point of that, and also because it takes courage to take the shit along with the joys in the same stride.

Freedom comes with responsibility. It also brings a lot of changes. It is easier to be shut down and tell ourselves we’re happy, we can remain in our comfort zone and continue chasing the things we imagine will bring us joy. Most of us are not seeking freedom at all, we’re actually seeking the freedom to be addicted without resitrctions. Like a cocaine addict saying please just let me have the freedom to take as much as I like.

But… what’s the point of a life like that? Is it enough for you?

When animals are raised in captivity, a lot of us feel bad for them and want them to be free. But thing is, they don’t know what freedom feels like. That limited life is all they know. Like a child being born and brought up in jail – it won’t have as much problem as a person who was once free, because that child has no idea what freedom is like.

Also, in some ways it IS easier being imprisoned, right? We’re comfortable with the same old challenges, the same repetitive patterns in life, rather than being ‘out there’, taking responsibility, taking risks, failing, owning up to our mistakes…

To be free is hard. To learn to live without getting tied down, weighed down by emotional baggage, to not get attached and yet engage with life – this takes years of practice, and we still falter. It’s not an easy life.

But you know what’s harder? To be imprisoned by our minds. To get attached, to chase, to allow people and life events to affect us, and the consequent illnesses they bring… That’s far, far harder.

But people are born and brought up in this jail, it’s all they’ve ever known – and ultimately we’re scared of stepping out of our comfort zone, so it’s something they never explore, never realise. They laugh at those who talk about the skies. Because this is all they’ve ever known. But If you’re on the fence though.. take that leap.

I just realised that almost everyone we’ve met this whole week, including yesterday, does not eat dinner. What a blessing to exist in a world where so many conscious people exist, where so many people are so deeply in touch with their bodies.

In the meantime, here’s an excerpt from today morning’s discussion. We were discussing how knowledge is not always an advantage, it more often than not gets in the way. And this story I thought, was worth sharing.

Shankaracharya even, had an ‘attitude’ about being so knowledgeable. One day as he walked to the river for his bath, a cobbler lay in the path. Brahmins weren’t supposed to get anywhere near Shudras, lest they get ‘polluted’. So ‘hey! Move out of the way!’ he screamed.

“Who are you asking to move out of the way?’ the man replied. ‘Is it this body you refer to? Made of merely pancha bhootas, they have no life or will of their own. Or do you refer to my soul, which is infinite? How can something which is omnipresent, move?”

Shankaracharya realised his folly, thanked the man (who is said to be Shiva in disguise) and never made caste an issue again.

So knowledge is useless if it merely comes from books. Sometimes the most profound lessons are taught by the ‘insignificants’ – a child, an uneducated pauper, a rodent, an apple even.