Zen: The Art of Nothing

Some years ago I saw a couple sitting together. They weren’t exactly young, but the way they were interacting with each other, it looked like they hadn’t been married a long time, maybe 3-4 years. There was so much love in the way they looked at each other. Then a friend mentioned they were married for 30 years.

THIRTY YEARS??? I’ve seen a lot of couples that love each other; no matter how deep the love, it always gets ‘old’ – familiarity sets in, there are aspects of the each other they’ve given up on, etc – what I was witnessing was impossible based on what I had seen thus far. So I had to investigate. 

I asked her what the secret was. “Never shut down to the other” she said. She gave a few examples but I don’t think I really ‘got it’, back then. As I’ve applied it over the years, I understand a little bit more. 

It depends on what you’re looking for in a relationship. If security and longevity is your primary goal, scroll away, this is not for you. But if experiencing love more deeply and more powerfully, and connecting with your partner on deeper levels is what you seek, I have never found better advice than this. The prerequisite is that you are with a person who respects your space and heart, of course, and that you are capable of doing the same. 

But the truth is, no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, you ARE going hurt and get hurt. Normally we ‘shut down’ – build our walls and conclude ‘this person will never change’ and toughen up so that we don’t get hurt. But then you cannot feel the love that deeply anymore either. The door that lets in the pain is the same door that lets in the love. So you feel ‘settled’ in the relationship and there is hardly any pain anymore, but you also forget the intense love you experienced once. 

So this Valentines Day, let there be pain. If you want to love more deeply, keep your heart open, knowing that there will be pain, for sure, but it is worth it, and you are strong enough to stand back up. Breathe it in, breathe it out, and hold it in the light of your love. And watch the magic come back to life again. 

Happy Valentine’s Day 🌹🌷🌹🌷🌹

Time and again, I see people having trouble figuring out why someone acts so ‘different’. By nature, humans are social animals and we’re hard-wired to remain in a group, which means we automatically ostracize those who don’t fit in – were biologically programmed that way, and only further evolution facilitates the embracing of differences.

We can categorize people in various ways, and here we look at it from the perspective of the evolution of the soul. I don’t see one as superior to the other, just as a child in 6th grade is not superior to a child in the 2nd grade. Everyone is on a different stage on the pathway, although yes, some have reached further and know somewhat more, since the soul has had more varied experiences.

In the Body

During the initial phases of development, people live in the body. For these, bliss lies in bodily pleasures and material pursuits. They will pursue security, bodily pleasures and are only interested in spirituality to the extent that they get what they want. Women tend to chase after beauty and men tend to chase after physical strength. They rarely have existential questions. Physical exercise is needed more than anything else for these people to remain in balance.

Chakra-wise, these people have evolved mostly up till the root and the hara chakra – those in the root will be more focused on security and have very little skills, whereas those in the hara stage of development can have developed some skills, potentially artistic but without a capacity to truly create, and might even have a relatively strong instinct/ intuition.

Others live in the mind

Such people feel that once the mind is satisfied, everything is OK, because this is where their biggest discomfort lies. They pursue things like power and knowledge more than other things (material pursuits may be part of this if they perceive being rich as being powerful). They have questions and are seeking theoretical answers, thinking that if they know enough, there will be no problems in life. Pranayama helps these people the most.

Chakra-wise, these are people from the solar plexus and heart chakra stage of development, where people tend to chase first the power in the material sense, and then, power in relationships.

… And others live in the heart

The usual things that satisfy people of the above two categories rarely satisfy these people. They’re at a point where words don’t satisfy them anymore, because they can sense feelings – they need sincerity to feel satisfied, and seek out truth and honesty above everything else. Meditation is what is needed more than anything else for such people to remain in balance.

Chakra-wise, these are people that are at the throat and third eye level of development. They’re often very sensitive, because they’ve lost touch with the lower chakras and are very often ‘not in the body’, which means they energetically abandon their body at the slightest hint of pain. Those at the level of the throat chakra are highly artistic and on reconnecting with their hara, they can develop a level of creativity much higher than their usual capacity. Those in the third eye stage are often referred to as empaths. They’re extremely sensitive and perceive the world very differently from the others, sensing thoughts, intentions and feelings and reacting to things even before they’re expressed, or even if they aren’t expressed.

What is Important to Understand Is That…

… if you find that you belong to a certain category, you’re going to find it very hard to truly relate to and understand people from different categories. And those higher up on the ladder need to understand that those behind them likely haven’t evolved enough to be able to embrace differences in people, and that needs to be embraced and dealt with. Those higher up have trouble understanding why others pursue such mundane and transient pleasures, whereas those lower on the ladder cannot understand why others cannot simply focus on stability and on what is important.

As a Parent..

It is especially to understand this clearly if you are a parent. If your child is ‘higher up’ than you are, chances are your child will have an upbringing rife with abuse – not that you abuse your child, but what you think is ‘normal’ is perceived as abuse by your child, and the child will need therapy to deal with that pain, after growing up. It is essential to understand that the child knows much more than you about emotions and is likely more aware what you are feeling, than you are. It is unsettling, but this awareness can go a long way in determining how you raise your sensitive child. Your child is going to have very different priorities and values in life, and it just is as it is, the more openly you embrace it, the deeper your relationship with your child can be.

During a discussion with a friend recently, we talked about how he’s seen beautiful miracles and been ‘rescued’ several times when he chanted a mantra meant to invoke a certain Goddess. When I asked why he didn’t chant regularly despite seeing the difference, he said that he found it hard because he couldn’t surrender to another ‘being’. It felt like he had to depend on an external force to be protected and rescued, and that just felt wrong. ‘I relate to Taosim more, it just takes Nature as God’. The next morning I woke up with an insight about this, and I felt others might resonate with it, so I share. (Name changed for privacy)

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There are people who see you at work. How much do they know you? But then, do they ‘not’ know you? How much do your parents know you? Everyone in a way, ‘knows’ you, but everyone, including anyone who knows you ‘very well’, only sees a part of you, one ‘face’ of you. When someone says I know Aditya, or I like Aditya, they’re not professing to knowing all of you or loving all of you, because to know another human being, or even ourselves for that matter, is inconceivable.

Then how can we ever know or understand divinity? If you have a dozen ‘faces’, the divine has infinite. You are one of those faces, I am another. But just like someone who just sees you sipping coffee at Starbucks once a week knows a very ‘small’ face of you, and someone who sees you in your element knows you more, there are some ‘faces’ which are more reflective of that divinity than others are.

That’s why people fight about God. It’s the same as one person saying Aditya is an athlete, another saying he’s Marathi, another saying he’s an engineer, and then all fighting over who knows him better. They’re all partially right and mostly wrong because he’s all this and more.

Even ‘nature’ as they see God in Taoism, is Goddess Bhumi, in Hinduism and we pray to her every time we ‘hurt’ her to build a house. So you’re just seeing the same thing but without a face, just the same as if someone knew you through your code at work and had never met you. For them you are just the code.

Now one of the biggest reasons you cannot surrender to the goddess is because while you crave for the love of a mother, you’ve also experienced a mother to be manipulative and hurtful. So you’re resentful towards her, because you believe she demands submission (as opposed to surrender) and you’re afraid you’ll have to place your self esteem at her feet. That’s not true. This is THEmother. She loves you unconditionally, whether you worship her or not. She will take corrective action if you go off the path, to bring you back – if you surrender and ask her to keep you on the path, but it is never through anger or hate, it is love.

This is not to say one can only surrender to the Mother, because there are multiple facets. It just depends on what facet you can connect with the most deeply, just like your son might also be your subordinate at work and maybe your ‘partner’ when you play badminton. But maybe to relate to him, you see him as a friend, because maybe that relationship gives you access to the most parts of his personality. Whereas his wife may be able to access him most deeply in the role of a husband.

Ultimately as I said, you also are nothing but a face of that same Divinity. But when we allow ourselves to surrender to the Divine through a ‘face’, we allow ourselves to indirectly get more deeply in touch with our own divinity, and eventually remove all wrong identification.

And on that note, how can I resist leaving you with this?

Today one of my young students had to spend some time waiting along with others. Everyone else took out their phones and got busy immediately. He just sat there, and occasionally closed his eyes in meditation. Eventually someone noticed and asked him, how can you just sit there? It is impossible for me to just do nothing like that!

Maybe I am a little naive to be surprised. I guess I just hang out with people who are acquainted with stillness. If you had to wait a half hour, would it be easy for you to ‘just sit’? 

I remember when I went backpacking alone across Europe, a very well-traveled friend told me not to take my music along. ‘Don’t listen to music or read something when you have to wait. Just soak the place in’ she had said. And so I did. 

There were times I would sit at train stations waiting 2 hours. Sometimes I’d strike up conversations with nearby strangers, sometimes I’d just sit there. Some of my best memories actually. I realised then that waiting times were the best times for open eye meditation. One of my best meditations was actually as I stood with a friend in the middle of the junction, with peak hour traffic whizzing past in every direction. Both of us just stood there, maybe half an hour, feeling the ‘silence’. 

Can you? Just sit? And if not, would you like to be able to?