Zen: The Art of Nothing

More and more, clients come and tell me that they have been having intuitive thoughts or a deep intuitive connection with someone. However, a genuinely open intuition functions very differently from a third eye damaged from excess stress. The latter needs attention and focused self-work/ healing.

What is Intuition?

Our subconscious mind both picks up and processes a 1000 times more information than our conscious mind. When our higher self feels the need to pass some of this information along to our conscious minds to take action, it passes it along as ‘intuition’. We start experiencing this more and more frequently as our Reiki practice gets stronger. For example we might be stepping out of home and despite a sunny day, have a passing thought to take the umbrella, only to get stuck in the rain later on. Others feel pulled to make more food than usual (or less) and find that someone is either dropping in or there are sudden plans to go out. These are just mild intuitive insights indicating we are in general alignment with the universe.

It can get a lot stronger than this, like during the de-monetisation in India, several people I know deposited huge amounts of cash for no reason just a day before it all happened, only to be utterly surprised at the announcement that evening. Others I know have sold all their shares a day before some big crash, and so on. There are also many intuitive insights which can protect us from dangers which we will never realise, for example taking a different route which stops the possibility of an accident or something worse, cutting off connection from a person which might avoid some big financial loss, and so on.

So should we always trust it?

Energies today are very mixed up and more and more I find clients tapping into the wrong energy and confusing it for their intuition. Much of what passes off as intuition these days is not, and it serves our spiritual pathway very well to separate the wheat from the chaff.

1.     You Cannot Act On It

When you receive random intuition or premonitions that simply leave you scared or confused, that’s not really an open third eye adding value to your life. People getting visions just before relatives die for instance, or before other bad things happen where you can do nothing to prevent them, these are nothing but a mess. The right kind of clearing will stop these thoughts. (Please note that a mother’s intuition related to the safety of her child is a different matter).

Some intuitive people will have a knowing that something might go drastically haywire, a feeling of foreboding can happen sometimes before things go very wrong. Typically this happens when we have a great deal of anxiety around a happening and if we release that anxiety, such foreboding will stop unless we prefer being warned.

2.     It Is Not Helpful

Others tell me of visions of deceased ones or divine beings, and in most cases these are just energy distortions meant to keep them lost. Any such vision is only real if it offers a very clear message about what to do or what you need to hear.

3.     It Is Not Clear/ Meaningful

Which brings me to my next point, if you are confused after a vision, it is not a vision at all, it was just trash your mind was throwing up, ignore it completely. If these powers can step into your mind, they are also powerful enough to speak a language you understand.

This brings me to another very popular topic on the internet – angel numbers. I have observed with everyone I have worked with that when they cleanse their energies, these ‘angel numbers’ stop manifesting. These again are merely traps and I encourage you to do a good cleanse if you see repetitive numbers. In the same vein almost every relationship where at least one person was seeing repetitive ‘signs’ like their name everywhere, or encouragement to get into the relationship, turned out over time to be toxic and abusive – if you need ‘signs’ to tell you to be with a person, it likely means your conscious mind is not convinced enough – for good reason.

4.     It Inflates Your Ego

A lot of what people think are psychic visions or intuitive insights are just utter rubbish and created by the ego to feed itself. Just look at the message you have received

– does it make you feel ‘better about yourself’, give you fancy labels or ideas to attach to your identity (‘you are special’, ‘you are a star seed’, ‘you are an angel’, here are your wings or your halo, here’s a vision of your brilliant future)

– satisfy your ideas of revenge or justice (messages like ‘he will be punished’)

– negative information about others which makes you feel superior to them, inferior to them or afraid of them. If there is genuine cause to fear such a person, that is a different matter but most people on the spiritual pathway are just afraid of other people’s bad energy affecting them, not realising that their own fear is what is affecting them more than anything else, apart from a lack of proper setting of boundaries. Again, it is good quality therapy work which will be greatly beneficial here.

5.     It Creates False Intimacy

Are you always ‘tuned in’ to someone? A lot of people living in stress can perceive too much about loved ones as a result of sustained stress. Unfortunately thanks to the abundance of articles on twin flames, most people today are confusing extremely toxic relationships with twin flames. If you are continuously psychically connected with someone, this is a sign of a very toxic connection and possibly a messed up gut micro biome. Healing these are sometimes very difficult because people are the most deeply convinced that this is true love.

Putting It All Together

The purpose of false ‘intuitions’ is to keep us stuck in an illusion, and the most powerful illusion, the one that is the hardest to let go of, is the one of being truly loved and understood. This could be a connection with a person, or it could be some ‘angel’ or something similar that replaces other close relationships in our lives. A close second is that of identity, feeling special or even in rare cases feeling like a bad person, anything to give us something to identify with, to feel either that we are special or that we belong. The third aspect is just to give us a spinning mind, because we like analysing things. When we watch out for these, they slowly clear the way to much better and clearer intuition that actually adds value to our lives.

Are the people around you helping you shine, or are they dimming your light?

Are YOU helping them shine or are you dimming their light?

Everyone who is nasty to others has a reason for their actions. And we’re all ultimately forgiving of our own poor behaviour, we’re rude, mean, abusive, hurtful, deceitful… we wouldn’t ever repeat it if we didn’t forgive ourselves. Can we offer others the same space we keep for ourselves?

I’m reading a book currently where the author invites us to relate to murderers and rapists as human beings with feelings and reasons. Reasons for being nasty are not good enough. Standing up for oneself and being an inconsiderate person are not the same thing at all.

I remember how a masseuse – a total , once told me how relieved she was that her husband died during covid. A single mother handling 2 kids all alone, she was grateful for her freedom. I’ve seen many cases where children were relieved when parents died (and very guilty to feel that way) because the abuse was finally over. It’s very sad, very moving for me to come across these stories.

It’s so important to know whether we’re surrounded by the right people, but so much more important to know whether we’re the right person.

Note: While this list will likely be different for people living with abusive partners, that alone should be a red flag for our own existence.

Listen to article.

Here’s a few questions.

Do you drift off in the middle of a lecture?
Do you whip out your phone every time you have to wait for something?
Do you find it hard to do things that are good for you without sufficient motivation? Like eating unhealthy foods because they are tasty, not exercising because you are sleepy?
Do you have addictions? These could be substance addictions, addictions to gadgets, social media, people, etc.
Do you say or do things out of control and later regret them or experience unpleasant consequences?

If you answered yes to any of these, those are the areas where your mind controls you, rather than vice versa.

What kind of life do we live when we are in control? In this case, the mind is a tool for us to use, so it is quiet and uninterfering when it isn’t being used, and it is efficient when we apply it to situations and challenges. So when you’re doing something, you are focused on that and not distracted by a million other thoughts.

You don’t feel compelled to do things that you know are not good for you, you aren’t forced into addictive activities because the mind cannot tolerate silence, and your mind doesn’t take over and take the joy out of life when things go wrong.

Many of us confuse who we are with our minds, and that is only natural, even more so since we have never been taught to go any deeper, AND our society today places a large value on opinions and IQ.

IQ – intelligence quotient, indicates how sharp our brain is. The mind is a tool. An IQ score tells you how high end that machine is. What we cannot measure though is your skill in using that high end machine.

You know how some old people have the latest iphone and all they can manage to do is press buttons and call the wrong people, or maybe buttdial and send a bunch of crazy messages to the neighbour? Most people use the mind like that. Because we have never actually received education on how to use a great mind. This is why most geniuses have a crazy phase first, because they have to learn to use the machine. If you answered yes to the above questions, then you haven’t learned to use the machine. And the machine is AI. The machine is using you.

So two questions are pertinent. How high end is your mind? This can be indicated with a simple IQ test, or any test which assesses your logical reasoning and language skills. But the real question is how well do you know how to use your mind?

Probably a question that is even more pertinent than both these questions is, are you intelligent enough to know that investing in this pursuit is the real key to your success in all areas of life? Because if life is a race, the mind is like a car and you are the driver. Have you ever overtaken an expensive car on the road in your cheap car? That is the difference a great driver can make. Of course, the ideal scenario is a great driver in a great car. Which means that the people who are the most skilled at using their minds AND who have the best brains are usually the most successful in life, but even those with average intelligence can move ahead of most intelligent people if they learn to manage their minds better.

Now here’s something to bear in mind. The worst part of this whole story is, in this race of life, most people have no idea how to drive, they give you meaningless tips on how to drive better, and what’s more, they tell you that it is impossible to drive, that the car has all control. We receive this message consciously AND subconsciously through jokes. How many forwards, memes and conversations do you come across, where doing stupid things is justified? These are just little things we jokingly repeat to ourselves because the truth is just too harsh.

And that truth is, learning how to use the mind is merely a matter of investing a little time and energy. It is not rocket science, it is just effort.

So… how do we start taking charge of our minds? The first step is to open our eyes and SEE. We start bringing awareness to the moments when WE are in charge and when the MIND is in control. Every time you do something consciously, deliberately, you are in charge. Every time you do something mindlessly, out of force of habit, in the flow of emotions or something that is not good for your body, mind and relationships, those are moments when the mind is in control. Identification of the problem is the first and biggest step, and as we start to become aware of our mindful and mindless moments, we are already less helpless than before.

The easiest practice to develop this awareness is the practice of mindfulness, which is why it is becoming more and more popular. That is how we begin, and eventually having a teacher to point out mistakes and nudge us in the right direction can speed up this journey a lot more. We begin by bringing awareness to moments when our mind is in control and then developing the habit of stepping into our power when this happens, and doing the right thing rather than the mindless thing. It takes practice and patience.

Just like learning to drive a car, it can feel overwhelming and tiring in the beginning, because the mind is an extremely powerful tool, and it takes time to learn to use all the controls. Many spiritual masters tell us that we are living blind, unaware of reality, and this is because as we drive through life, we are asleep. Not only are we NOT the drivers of our own minds but even our eyes are closed.

I’d like you to imagine what it is like to be inside an out of control car, and how it feels to drive smoothly to a super cool destination. That is the sort of difference self work can make. The question is not whether or not this is possible, because it is. The question is not whether or not this is too hard, because it is not. The question is only whether you want this strongly enough to learn to use this incredible machine that you have.

During our 21 day spiritual journey on Whatsapp, one participant faced a particularly tough challenge with one question and asked for some help and clarification. The conversation that followed helped many other participants, who said they could relate very much and found the conversation very insightful. Hence I share it here in case anyone else finds it helpful too.

Participant: What I am missing out is being truly me. Authenticity is freedom because there is no pretense. When there is nothing to pretend there is only truth left. Which is a relief. But not knowing my true self and not being grounded I am pretending to myself too. In such a situation we only look at others and try and fix ourselves. Feels like if this worked for them, it will work for me too. So we hop from one person’s choices and decisions to others .. pretending it’s ours. And always something pinches from within ‘this doesn’t feel quite mine what I don’t really know what would I pick to be mine’.

Ashwita: Do you want to actually go towards being more authentic though, or are you satisfied with this idea?

Ashwita: Yes this is normal. When the questions are too overwhelming,  goes into shut down. Just relax with the question , hold it in your heart and you go deeper anyway even if nothing comes up

Participant: I have been trying from many  to be authentic. Because that’s  for me.  I am tired of pretending and tired of  choosing words to suit situations i face.

I believe when you are authentic you don’t have to try. Please help me achieve that 🙏

Somehow the feeling of defeat is coming very strongly for me .. as I have tried multiple times to pick good habits and practice what I preach , but all gone to thrash.

Like I know I am going to fail  and again again.

Ashwita: so if you don’t  choose words, then you have nothing to say?

Participant: Yea .. often i find myself with no opinion because it’s easy for me to accept ‘they ‘ know better

Every .. at home, financial, what to order, what to cook. At work .. team decisions .. everywhere.

I feel the worst when someone presents their opinion and ask me what do you think .. and I am like blank.. so i choose  what’s popular abs . So that everyone agrees.

Participant: It’s like I have accepted the  that I do not have opinions and like to say I just go with the flow. But that a LIE

Ashwita: Interesting…. how do you know that this is a lie?

Participant: Because before I speak i know I am choosing what’s going to get an agreement. I know I am not coming from my core. Agree when all agrees and disagree when someone else does it too. You will  see my hand raise with an objection or question

I can see my layers .. I don’t know how to remove them. Or shed them rather

Ashwita: But how do you know that you actually have an opinion if you have  encountered them?

Participant: I see that as a shortcoming

Ashwita: so you have assumed that you have opinions and decided that it is a shortcoming?

Participant: I am too scared .. I feel when I open my mouth it will add no value

Participant: Kind of shut my self

Participant: I see having opinion is a strong way to come from your authentic self… This is honestly my biggest suffering

Ashwita: No, that is an assumption. And a very wrong one at that… forming an opinion is a thing to do – you are confusing doing with being.

Forming an opinion takes time and effort. If you had the energy to sustain any practice, you could have had energy to educate yourself and put in enough thought into everything and have an opinion about everything. Not like you have absolutely no opinions, you do have an opinion that you have nothing to add to any conversation. That’s a very big opinion to have.

Participant: As I am linking it to authenticity. I just don’t want to pretend.

Ashwita: It has nothing to do with authenticity. Pretending will stop if you simply say – I have nothing to add to that, I don’t have thoughts in the matter. That is authenticty

Participant: May be I see it as being seen by others .. an acknowledgement that i exist

Some people always have a lot of value to add in a conversation. Almost everyone around me. And I don’t see that coming from me .. so almost feel like I do not exist.

I see myself as a blurred background .. just there. No value addition.

I am starting to see a connection.  That I am very scarred to take responsibilities for the fear of failing. May be my choices or my decision will make the finances, or dinner, or the team fail.

Ashwita: Yeah so basically you are comparing yourself with others and want to have what they have. Without that you see no worth in yourself. And that obviously makes you devalue yourself, so then investing in yourself will become a redundant exercise because nobody invests in a worthless thing. You want to be seen by others. Have you seen you?

Participant: I see it now.. Where you are coming from

Ashwita: People around you value people with ideas and things to say, and have no value for those who don’t (or so you have perceived) and you have believed that narrative and refused to place any value on who you are – someone with nothing much to add

Participant: Yes that’s hard to accept. How can someone never have anything to say. Was the person even involved? Was the person even present or paying attention

Ashwita: Having something to say takes work and thinking. It is something you learn, not someone you are. If it is a behaviour that served you as a child, you develop it. If it was snubbed then you don’t, and then you have to put in the effort to learn to develop it. There are people who never have anything to say.

Ashwita: And…. you don’t have nothing to say. Scroll up and see. There’s plenty you have to say. You just don’t have much to say in certain matters

Participant: Does that mean i am in the wrong place?

Ashwita: It mean you haven’t spent enough time looking at yourself without expectation. You’re again going back to trying to fix things rather than trying to see who you are.

Participant: How can I begin the work?

I got this undevided attentive from you and i can’t belive. I think I didn’t deserve it.

Gosh I am so broken

Ashwita: Accept that you have nothing to say, that maybe sometimes it is simply easier to agree than express that you have nothing to say so you take the easy path sometimes. And practice deep listening and witness your disgust at yourself when you have nothing to say. You DO have a lot to say, most of it is usually shit about yourself.

When someone asks you for your opinion, your opinion is merely ‘I am an idiot because I have nothing to contribute, and I am going to try to say something in order for you not to find out’ – that is an opinion followed by an action plan.

Change that action plan to realising that you are repeating a very longstanding, erroneous opinion of yourself and to go deeper and see what you’re really feeling in that moment, instead.

Participant: You bang on .. you found my plan for survival 😂

Thank you so much for this 😍

Ashwita: 🤗

Another Participant: It was an eye opening . Thank you both.  I see I also feel worthy only when I am useful , I make people laugh ,or I pacify arguments or take  for others emotions . Otherwise standalone I feel unworthy. There is no me without being useful. And then i get angry when they use me which is the picture I only gave them in  place. I feel worthless. Will eft it .. Do you see more here Ashwita ?

Ashwita: ah…. the standard need versus love dilemma

You see, if people need you, you have the illusion that they’ll be with you. If on the other hand they are with you merely because they love you, you cannot control them, and there’s a fear of loss. So we prefer being useful to simply being loved… we feel there’s a bit of a guarantee there. It is a funny thing really, because in fact it is the opposite. When people are with us because we are useful, they’ll leave us once they find a better replacement, AND we’ll never feel loved because we were never loved, we were only valued for our usefulness. If someone is with us because they love us, they aren’t leaving anyway because well, they love us!

Another Participant: So basically being useful  is manipulation to get love … I see that .. rather than just see that maybe I feel unlovable just as I am.

A student recently reached out to me recently with the following quote, asking me if this is true. He was especially concerned because he felt that conflict was pointless since all it would end up becoming was an endless argument. I share my response to the question in case it helps others.

IF YOU AVOID THE CONFLICT TO KEEP THE PEACE, YOU START A WAR INSIDE YOURSELF

Cheryl Richardson

It is a lovely question, and I think one that many might have. If only it were that simple – to fight or not to fight. It isn’t.

I think you might be confusing things here though. It doesn’t sound like you’re avoiding conflict to keep the peace here, but more because there is simply no point. If the other person is not invested in our happiness, there is absolutely no point in engaging with such a person, all we will find is arguments and excuses.

The key is to stop and ask a few questions.

1. What do I lose by keeping silent?
   Suppressing your own feelings makes you invisible in the relationship and you disappear basically, you don’t matter anymore in the relationship, your needs are irrelevant.
2. What do I lose by sharing my feelings?
   If sharing how you feel creates problems, then it usually means that the other person does not have your well being in mind. If there is fear of abuse upon sharing your perspective, then more action needs to be taken in order to protect yourself, because such a relationship can destroy you in many ways.
3. Do I intend to blame the other person or share how I feel (because no one disputes this other than narcissists, who freely tell you what you are thinking and feeling)
   Look carefully at whose problem it really is. Is it their problem? Is it your problem? Is it a joint problem? Are they violating boundaries or is this just an irritant?
4. Am I keeping quiet for their sake or mine?
   This is critical. Are you staying quiet because you’re getting something out of this? Are you doing it out of the fear of hurting the other person? And if this is the case, are they the sort of person who will not feel hurt if they realise they have been hurting you?

Here’s a question I received yesterday and my response to it.

Ashwita, what’s your take on luck? Does this relate to things outside of our control or is it based on our inner alignment and what we ‘invite’ ???

Interesting you ask this question because I had a fascinating discussion with a friend yesterday who went to a Nadi astrologer. So this was his finding. He said when we go to regular astrologers, they see where we are headed, and suggest us remedies. The nadi astrology takes done remedies into consideration and tells us the final result.

I think a visit to a nadi astrologer is usually great proof for many people just how much of life is totally scripted, because people I know have found predictions to be coming true even a decade later. I’ve never been to one, but things that were told to my parents about me came true a decade later, and no astrologer we visited could even predict those incidents. However I do know someone who was told he’d have a great life, he then thought wow I have a great life ahead of me and did nothing. His life still sucks and nothing came true.

So basically. I don’t believe we have free will to make our lives any better – if we live in the flow, our life automatically floats up to the best case scenario that was originally designed. However, we do have all the free will we need to make our lives far more miserable.

Luck is nothing but oneness with the universe in a particular moment. When we are in alignment, we function like the whole universe is one machine, and we’re aware of something much, much larger than us at play, and things falling into place which we could never have facilitated by ourselves. Because that is actually the default state of existence. But we get out of sync, then we’re small and limited, and being in the flow is considered a ‘spiritual’ thing to do

Anthony Jacquin

The purpose of relationships in all forms, whether with lovers, family or colleagues is the same as life itself. That is, to express, share and celebrate happiness, peace and love, rather than to seek such things from others.

Just like any other pattern of seeking, if we feel we will be happier when we have a relationship, or more at peace when someone has committed to us, or more able to love when we have someone to love, then we setting ourselves up for disappointment. We are doing things in the wrong order. We are turning our relationship into an economic transaction.

Like any other effort to seek happiness, peace and love in an object, a state or in this case a person – a relationship will provide temporary relief. For a moment, when we fall in love, there is no distance, no separation. The search is off and we glimpse ourselves as we are – connected, happy, timeless.

However, if the belief remains that we are separate and finite, then ultimately there are two, still two separate selves. As long as there are two separate selves, there will be something you are looking to get from the relationship. Something you are looking to complete. In this set-up, even so called ‘giving’ is with a view to getting.

As long as we feel finite or have a need to be complete, we will enter relationships in a way trying to protect oneself from being diminished or to be aggrandised.

Ultimately we must accept that our search for trust, security and commitment in a relationship is in vain. If we are honest with ourselves, relationships however strong are unstable. Relationships, however sweet, will die.

Things fall apart. People leave us. Death parts us.

There is a deep intuition that comes from an innate knowledge that we have, that everything is insecure, nothing objective lasts. Nothing.

We can face that fact. We can face it honestly and courageously.

We can do so by asking what has always been with us? What have we never been separated from? What has never let us down?

Only this aware presence that we know ourselves to be.

This has always been true.
It is always present.
It is never distant.
It will never leave.
It doesn’t judge.

You can trust what is stable. You can feel secure with that which is ever-present.

That which is always present, that which never changes, that which is not dependent on the state of your mind, that which is reliable in your experience; that is worth committing to.

As the sense of separation falls away relationships cease to be a relationship between two individuals trying to find love and instead are instead diverse expressions of the same love, the same happiness.

If we see our true nature, our capacity to enjoy relationships does not diminish. We are more able to have truly loving relationships.

That is the joy of this. Our relationships in all forms really thrive as a result of this understanding.

Your nature is happiness. You can express, share and celebrate that in relationships understanding that you lack nothing, so there is no need to look for completion in others.

Your nature is peace. You can express share and celebrate that in relationships, knowing you cannot be agitated, and don’t need to seek refuge in others.

You are connected. You can express, share and celebrate that in relationships, and be free of the need to mask a sense of separation by investing in another.

Have this understanding in the background. And let it infiltrate the way you relate in a more intelligent and loving way.

Greet old friends and loved ones like it is the first time you have been introduced, like all is fresh and new.

Greet new friends like you have known them forever, like your connection  has been there forever.

However close you are with your lover, family or colleagues understand that they are not yours. You are not theirs. You are not together. You are free. You are free not to walk away. Free to dance together eternally.

There is a great freedom in knowing that nothing holds you together. You just share an essence.

There is a great liberation knowing that you do not derive love, happiness and security from the another, but that together you can express, share and celebrate it. You can enjoy healthy relationships without being attached to them.

When this is a shared understanding relationships flourish.

There is a non duality inside the duality. A stillness inside the movement. Light inside the shadow.

If we overlook the deep understanding that we are one, and instead walk as two separate beings, then there will always be distance. If we know what we share then we can not only walk as one, but dance as one.

It is this understanding that allows you to go out into the multiplicity and diversity of the world and truly enjoy it as it is. We need not abandon desires, just as long as we don’t seek happiness in them. Instead we can express happiness through desire that comes from our aware presence.

What we truly appreciate that all there is here is no one, no things and no others: then we are able to truly appreciate the appearance of things and others, and dance as one of those things in relation with life, with people.

This is real love. This is real intimacy.

A relationship where the only commitment is to love itself: celebrated with openness, shared in abundance and enjoyed with no contingent agenda.

This is the perfect place to start a relationship. Knowing happiness and love is not dependent on someone or something means a relationship can be conceived out of  freedom rather out of need.

Your intimate relationships will improve. Your friendships will flourish.

Of course not everyone will have your understanding. People will want you in their life to  complete their sense of incompleteness. People will insist upon resisting you even when you have no agenda.

Be open. Enjoy a total lack of resistance.

Without an agenda, you can simply observe but not judge.

With compassion and understanding you can know that they are doing the best with what they think they have.

Without agenda or judgement, you can remain present, and in your heart relate to who they truly are.

Don’t buy their story. Or any story.

Don’t reject it either. But don’t buy it.

It doesn’t mean that you ignore them. Or cannot be in a relationship with them.

But really, the one you are speaking to is the presence behind the one they believe themselves to be. The one around whom the drama is revolving, is not there.

They may not know. But you do know, so let them burn it out. Be like an open window that and wind can blow through. No resistance.

Be transparent. Hold onto nothing. Take nothing personally.

Be spacious enough that you can take anything in. You can welcome anything home.

Making this work without compromising your inner freedom is possible. It just requires sensitivity and skill on your part to make it so.

See in others the same aware presence that you know yourself to be.

Be gentle and assure that person that your love is real, but that you will never think of them as an object, obligated to make you complete and happy. Encourage them to swim in this pool of unconditional love, until their own fears and tensions dissolve.

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Anthony Jacquin is a hypnotist. Author of ‘Reality is Plastic – The Art of Impromptu Hypnosis’, and teacher of therapy at Jacquin Hypnosis Academy. His primary preoccupation is playing games with his sense-of-being, and watching ‘I’ slip through his fingers whenever he tries to grasp it.

Anthony Jacquin Training – www.jacquinhypnosisacademy.com
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How can an individual (a HSP especially) transition from their usual self to a more assertive self like this? I believe it can get pretty challenging to put this into action?

Twice a day Reiki practice would be essential, to be able to develop the kind of self-awareness to make this kind of shift. I don’t know why or how, but a strong Reiki practice makes inner shifts significantly easier, many times simple realising something can bring about a transformation, with zero effort.

What worked for me (I don’t like labels at all, but I’m an HSP and empath) was watching a friend who had really clear, healthy boundaries. When in trouble, I’d ask myself ‘what would she do?’. You don’t need to have to watch a friend, because I can share the critical part, what happened next.

Heal your anger. I started to realise that I couldn’t act reasonably because of the anger I experienced inside. When people violated me, I got offended, angry and my natural response to anger was to shut down, be quiet, agree, say yes. That always got me into a lot of trouble. So I started working on that anger one step at a time. The day I was able to just see a person trying to have their needs met instead of someone who wanted to violate me, my responses became a lot healthier.

‘I’ll get back to you’. Another big one that helped was this – a family member told me to make it a habit to say ‘I’ll think about it’. He told me to just make it my internal programming when I was supposed to make a decision. ‘I’ll think about it, or I’ll get back to you in a bit’ – even if that bit is 5 minutes. When you take a breather and a pause, usually you come back to your senses, slip out of the freeze mode and you are able to respond much better. Over time you then become equipped more and more to respond more honestly in the moment too.

Get comfortable being a bitch. HSPs and empaths are frequently addicted to the identity of being a ‘nice person’, and this is a big obstacle. You cannot be nice all the time. There are (abusive) people who will push you and leave you with only two choices in the end – to be rude or to do what they’re demanding. In these cases if we’re enslaved to being ‘nice’, we’re enslaved to that person. We need to get comfortable with being a bitch. This is also dangerous advice to take literally as it can be used as an excuse to abuse people. Usually it is a more internal state than an external one, because there’s almost always a way to convey your message in a civilised manner.

I was probably 6 or 7 when my parents first told me that I would never ‘really’ die. I thought about it for months.

Have you ever been part of a group?
Have you watched how the group has a life, a mind of its own, that feels like an individual identity?
Who are you without the group?
Do you live on, do you continue to have a life and a mind of your own when the group ‘dies’?

Have you realised that a human being is an ecosystem?
We consist of trillions of cells and bacteria. To imagine that we are an ‘individual’ is erroneous.

The consciousness of the food we eat, the person who cooks our food, the people we spend our time with, the memories of and relationship between the cells within our body all affect our ‘life and minds’. We are a group identity. When we die, that group dies.

But the cells don’t.
A part of you is unperishable even by fire and decay. You live on forever. Just not as a ‘group’ anymore, but as a trillion separate pieces that have a life and a mind of their own. 

Yesterday as I spoke to someone, we marveled at the paradox in the world. That the more one learns, the humbler one becomes, the more aware one becomes of how little one knows – so one tends to be more quiet about it. The beginners on the other hand, those with very little knowledge, think they know everything, they have the route map and the journey’s predictable. And they’re the loudest, more sure of them all. And it is these voices everyone hears.

It is the same with the mind. I had a conversation yesterday with a bright student who is dedicated to the spiritual pathway. Pretty sure it was equally enjoyable for both of us. The right questions are always more important than the right answers.