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Journeying into Meditation -III

Journeying into Meditation -III

Journeying into nothingness

As we’ve realised by now, meditation makes one more and more intimate with our minds. We slowly identify more and more, how the mind keeps us trapped through repetitive patterns.

One might think that more physically oriented spiritual paths, such as yoga, might be more grounding, but I haven’t seen this to be the case. Yes, it makes the body more stable and sturdy, but the mind knows how to work it’s way around most situations.

So, you’re unaffected now?

One of the most common things to happen in the beginning stages is this indifference to all things around. ‘I am so happy now, nothing affects me anymore!’ I cannot count the number of times I have heard this from those starting their journey. But this, usually, is far from the truth. They are just affected in a different way.

When there is an imbalance in the body, an overpowering of the third eye will lead to a weakness in the hara chakra, which is the feeling center. So feelings disappear. One goes into a zone where no external circumstances seem to cause any stir inside. It is such bliss after having swung from one emotion to another for so long.

When the third eye starts to open and it becomes more and more easy to ‘see’ things, and to see through things. For example, if a person doesn’t like you and is trying to fake a smile, you will know. And this is where the trap lies.

An open third eye without the balancing effects of the heart and the hara, is just the ability to see everything, without compassion, without empathy. Such people either become rude or oversensitive, losing the capacity to tolerate ‘fake’ or unintelligent people. This harshness isn’t directed only outwards. Eventually, it becomes self-directed too, making the person extremely self-critical. Depression becomes a common state of mind.

What is the point, if the journey you started so you could merge with the universe, eventually just creates more separation, makes you feel more superior to everyone else?

Witness…

Turn back to the heart and the hara. This is also why the presence of a guru helps, or the presence of a friend along the spiritual path – because someone who is observing you will catch the ego wrapping you in it’s grip again.

Whatever reaction the mind throws up, is just a reaction, and shouldn’t be paid heed to. No matter which path you choose, there will be traps. This is what you need to keep in mind, that’s all. If you forget about awareness at any point, then you might react to life situations and get caught up in the mind again.

Remember that the mind is just one. Doesn’t matter if it is yours or someone else’s. The reactions are all the same, just varying based on the planetary positions, and life circumstances. So when you’re having a boring or exasperating conversation with someone, it is just your mind reacting to another mind’s reaction. When you truly learn to rise above the mind, you rise above both – your own mind, as well as the mind of the person in front of you. 

Journeying Into Meditation – II

Journeying Into Meditation – II

… continued from part 1

When we think of meditation, we think peace. Surely, all these people, spending years and years in silence and meditation, must be peaceful? Well, maybe not. I wouldn’t necessarily call my tryst with meditation ‘peaceful’, and I have reason to believe that I am not alone. What I write below is not by any means detailed information about meditation – I merely recount the trips and the traps I’ve observed so far.

What is Meditation? 
A google search on meditation will bring up hundreds of guided visualisations. Guided visualisations are great as a preparatory tool for meditation, but they are not meditation at all. Any system that uses the mind cannot really be meditation. It is, however, a great starting point – and it helps one feel peaceful – one carrot that most spiritual aspirants spend their lives chasing.

There are many spiritual paths and people might define meditation differently. To me, meditation is being more present in the body, and in the moment.

One of the most effective methods I have found, is body awareness. All stresses are stored in the body. Becoming more deeply present in the physical body brings to our awareness the stresses in our body, and we can eventually let them go.

What I’ve Learned
One of the first things I understood was that almost no spiritual aspirant is on the path for enlightenment. We are all in it because our sense of self has been damaged in some way, and we think that ‘getting enlightened’ will somehow redeem us. Anyhow, something happens in life that turns a mind that is usually focused outside, inwards.

The first experience is usually peace. The outer world brings too many distractions, too many triggers, and when one first turns inwards, there is a very nice peace – it is like closing the curtain on the chaos of the world.

When you enter a dark room after a walk in bright sunshine, the first reaction is usually relief, and darkness. Peace. Then your eyes readjust, and you see the mess inside. That’s when the journey really begins.

The Darkness

The trip: One starts coming face to face with the darkest aspects of oneself, and this is far from pleasant. Most people start meditating to become a ‘better’ person, and when they see aspects of themselves that they’ve hated in others, they want to fix everything. It takes a while to realise that this is also just the mind playing games, and to transcend it.

The trap: When you begin to ‘see’ more, it is not just your own flaws, but also those of others that become more visible. If one hasn’t worked enough in the heart, then one can be swept up by the mind, becoming very judgmental, condescending and afraid of all the ‘negative’ people.

So if you feel that you are progressing spiritually and your family is being left behind, your mind is using ‘spiritual growth’ as an excuse to make yourself look bigger than other people. Working with the heart will take you to a more accepting space, and allow you to see God in the ones around you.

The Noise

As you start going deeper into meditation, you could start feeling that you are not meditating at all. The mind goes crazy, thinking thought after thought, and if you have developed enough awareness, you could be very frustrated at the constant running.

And then comes a day when we realise that the frustration was also just a figment of the mind. Beware the mind commenting on the mind commenting on the mind. Take a step back, watch that thought, that is not you, either.

It’s Not All About the Upper Chakras

There seems to be this misconception that an open third eye is a sign of a spiritual person. If someone can talk to the angels, heal other people, predict the future or travel astrally, then it is taken for granted that they are spiritual. This has nothing to do with the truth. These are merely skills and just take a little time to develop.

Without a balance among all the chakras, opening up the third eye will create a lot of physical, mental and emotional turmoil. It is of utmost importance to be deeply rooted. An open heart is very important.

Transcending the Bliss

The trip: Deep meditation can bring flashes or lasting moments of bliss.

The trap: This is not ‘it’ either. One could easily get stuck after a bliss experience, trying to bring that experience back, and judging the ‘success’ of each meditation by the level of bliss experienced. Meditation is about being in the moment. Sometimes those moments are blissful. Sometimes they are pure torture. One is not better than the other, they just are.

Doing and Being

Meditation is the perfect balance between being and doing. However, if there isn’t enough grounding, then one can become heady, loathing tasks and feeling like one is above them. One wants to be left alone, unable to handle the hypocrisy and madness of the world. If this is the case, grounding becomes essential. This is just another gimmick of the mind and also needs to be transcended.

If anything, meditation makes it easier to do more, more easily, because one is not dictated by the likes and dislikes of the mind. Learning to be completely present while performing tasks is very fulfilling and brings more peace to the world, no matter how small a task it is.

Journeying Into Meditation – I

Journeying Into Meditation – I

Meditation is about being completely present. In that sense, there is no journey. There is no one to make a journey. There just… is. But to come to that realisation – even superficially, takes effort sometimes.

Meditation is a really simple, but fairly difficult process – it involves witnessing your thoughts, but not getting pulled into the drama.

This can be especially hard in the beginning, if you are stuck in a tough situation in life, being pulled apart in various directions as your mind goes crazy. I have found that a little bit of work on the emotions, a little bit of work to reduce the baggage we are carrying, and a little bit of work on mental stability go a long way in helping one meditate more effectively.

Navigating Turbulent Times

The first step in a meditative journey is to take complete responsibility for one’s own emotions. If your map includes a requirement that others change for your peace of mind ( even if it seems like the most reasonable thing to ask for) it means you are giving power away. It is like saying that you refuse to be peaceful until the other person or situation changes. If you feel justified in continuing to feel the way you do, you are going to continue feeling the way you do.

OR you can decide to take responsibility for your own feelings, embrace the other person, warts and all – along with all their egoic, insane, idiotic tendencies. Every label you use for other people is nothing but a figment of your imagination. What may be a monster to you may be an angel to someone else. Let the labels go.

Writing about your feelings helps a lot in the beginning as it helps to sort out the mind. It helps to write exactly what is going on in the mind, and burn the paper afterward. It is important to ensure that we are writing about our feelings and not about what we think others should be doing.

For example, writing ‘why can’t she just stop saying that to me when she knows it hurts me‘ is not very useful. Instead, ‘every time she says that, I feel hurt and insulted and I have no idea if she will ever stop saying these things to me. That is very scary‘. Is very useful because you identify three emotions here – hurt, insult, fear. You don’t have to do anything about these emotions. Just know they are there.

Deep Listening is a very important tool in this process. I recommend it to so many people, and I don’t think I talk about it enough. Unless you learn to listen properly, you cannot really do anything – meditate, heal yourself, be in an honest relationship, be good at your work,.. or even ask for help – because you have no idea (or the wrong idea) what is really wrong.

Breathing is also very powerful. Whenever you feel like your emotions are sweeping you off your feet, lie on your back, or sit up straight and breathe powerfully, without breaks for about 10 minutes. For added effect, join your fingertips together.

You could also breathe into your pain/ emotion. Close your eyes, become deeply aware of the pain and the breath at the same time. Just stay with it, and it will fade away on it’s own.

Grounding is essential. Some really slow yogasanas, gardening, household chores performed with awareness, spending time in nature, all improve grounding. So does meditating on the root.

Many people today are very sensitive. While this means they can pick up psychic information easily, it also means they can easily be traumatised by other people’s energies. This leads to further separation from the universe, because one tends to live in fear instead of love. Grounding balances and strengthens the energies.

Chanting is another very powerful tool.  I have found the Gayatri mantra to be very healing, especially during emotional upheavals. Ganesh mantras are good for grounding. Suryanamaskar, sun mantras and sun gazing are all wonderful for those trying to stand up for themselves and draw boundaries.

Give Up Your Rights: Mooji

Give Up Your Rights: Mooji

It is not a habit for me to share things I find online, but this was just too beautiful not so share. I found this message by Mooji on facebook recently. Such a beautiful, profound message. Read on.

I am going to tell you something now that you don’t hear very often in the world, and I use myself as an example for you.
If you want to go all the way, give up the sense that you have any rights in life.
Have no right at all. Have no rights for anything.
Then everything is a gift.
When you don’t deserve anything, everything is a gift.
Just try.
Just for you. Okay?

This is not a political decision.
Give up this sense that you have rights, that life owes you something, and feel the space that remains. Maybe, initially, you will feel vulnerability like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t stand up for my rights. I will be abused.’ But go beyond this feeling.
Sacrifice it for a greater truth.
You must begin to think with your God-mind.
God does not have rights.
God does not need any rights.
You have to be like God.
Give up this sense you have rights.
You wish to go all the way?
Give up pride also.
Give up future too.
If you give up future, you give up past also.
Just for you. You don’t have to tell anybody.

And give up this dependency, ‘Who will be here for me?’
And give up projections such as, ‘Yes, in two years time
I will be in a solid relationship and I will own my own apartment.’
There is nothing so great about that.
It just keeps you being a sucker.
You don’t want to be a sucker.
There is greater than this to come.
You miss the full adventure and power
that comes from the Holy spirit if you start to choose for yourself.
If you feel to choose for yourself, He will leave you to choose for yourself.
But as soon as you give up this sense of rights; if you say,
‘You give me the sense of choice. You are my choice,’
then something else will happen.
In the world nobody tells you this.
There you have to be proud and say, ‘Listen, I have rights!’
When I have rights, the world has done me a lot of wrongs.

Give up pride.
Pride in being a woman.
Pride in being beautiful.
Pride in being accomplished in something.
Pride that you are a certain race, religion or nation.
Give up all of these things.
They belong to the devil.
They don’t belong to you.
And experience what remains.

A great space will open inside your Heart.
Huge humility.
Huge acceptance, love, wisdom and freedom as you experience integration with the cosmic being.
And no force on earth can manipulate or bind you, because you have made yourself empty of all that makes a ‘person’.
Why think it is so great to be a person?
For a while we have to taste that state of personhood, but there must come a time when you return to purity.
Come back to your purity, your original being!
You ask, ‘How?’
Collapse at God’s feet. This is no ordinary fall.
It is not falling down.
It is falling upwards into the embrace of the Living God.

~ Mooji

Transcending Tough Times

Transcending Tough Times

When life burns you down, it is only so you can rise from the ashes and fly.

The last two weeks seem to have been difficult for many. This is not surprising, considering that Mercury has been retrograde since Jan 21. Mercury going retrograde can wreak quite a bit of havoc. For starters, it changes one’s perspective on things. One suddenly becomes aware of things that weren’t noticed before, and decisions are questioned. As if that wasn’t enough, Mercury rules communication – so this can mean that communications aren’t effective, and no one is really ‘hearing’ what the other is saying – it is all getting misinterpreted. Put the two together – a shifted perspective and an incapacity to really listen – can be quite a disaster, right?

There could be other factors, of course – I am not an astrologer, and this is just my novice understanding of it. But it seems quite relevant when I look around me.

It seems to me, that for a lot of people, old structures and conditioning are falling away. Now if you have been meditating for a while, this might be bearable, but for those who dwell in the mind, this could really feel like your whole world is falling apart. A shift of perspective might help, but more than anything else, to be able to transcend the panic and the chaos would be deeply healing.

Come Back to the Heart

The mind creates all these structures to create an identity to play with. You think you are a ‘good’ person. Now you have to believe all good things about yourself, and reject all bad ideas about yourself, because they don’t fit in with your identity. You might be hurting people, destroying lives, but you will not notice it, because you would rather believe that you are a ‘good’ person. When you come face to face with these aspects some day, your whole ‘world’ will seemingly shatter, because the identity you spent decades creating, you now realise was all just a lie.

But this is how it is. You are none of these things – good, bad, intelligent, intuitive, happy-go-lucky, vindictive, weak, strong…. and so on. Everything changes. Everyone changes. So do you. You are a different person every moment, and it is hard to define you. But that is not what the mind thinks. The mind likes certainty. It likes to play with labels.

It is the mind that is influenced by the planets, Not the heart. If you come back to the heart and rest in it, there will be greater peace. I don’t say there will be any less chaos. It is just that you won’t be running helter skelter, lost in your insanity.

For more on resting in the heart, read this one –

Don’t Create Another Structure

When you are falling apart, it is important to just fall apart. If you create another structure to replace the old, then the whole cycle will have to repeat again. What do I mean by that?

Now assume that a person has a tendency to be a workaholic – he tends to identify with his work, he is good at it. Suddenly the planets collide and that identity is questioned. He makes a few blunders at work, loses the respect of his colleagues, and loses respect for himself even, who knows? That’s an old structure falling apart. He could meditate on the pain this brings, on the uncertainty it throws him into, and let it all fall away. When he gets back on his feet, he will work far better, with much less ego and a deeper understanding of himself and life.

BUT. If he instead, allows the mind to try taking him out of his mess, he will just create new structures. Maybe he will change his field of work, believing that this field isn’t good for him anymore. Or maybe he will develop a new hobby and identify with that. ‘Oh I don’t like work so much, I am a great photographer and/ or I love traveling’. Or maybe he will fight and struggle, trying to reclaim a lost identity, going from therapist to therapist to bring back the ‘old days’. Irrespective, he’s started another cycle which will take a few years to ripen, mature and fall apart again.

This is just an example, your story is different.

Meditation is Very Important

Any spiritual sadhana is critical during this phase. As I just mentioned, the mind can take you on a mad, delirious trip when structures are falling away. To be able to step back and witness all of this without getting pulled into the drama is so, so important. It is also essential that one does this practice for the sake of practice, and not as a desperate attempt to find a solution – that will only amplify the problem.

If you have a daily practice – Reiki, yoga, or something else, do that. Spending some time along with that, meditating deeply for 21 minutes or more, will be very beneficial. These times are a gift – they offer you an opportunity to break the shackles of the mind and be free to see life for what it is. Do you really want to let this go?

The Five Chapters

The Five Chapters

Last weekend, Kiara Windrider shared with us this wonderful story, the Five Chapters, telling the tale of a soul’s journey. This is the story of every soul. It touched me very deeply, so I write about it now.

The First Chapter

You’re walking along the path of life, unconscious, unaware of the big hole up ahead. You fall into the hole. You’re upset at everyone, angry that there was no warning, that the hold hasn’t been repaired. It is everyone else’s fault. 

This is where much of the world is at. We’re deeply conditioned to give our power away. Everything is someone else’s fault. We believe that people or incidents hurt us, and not that we chose to get hurt. Being a victim gives us the freedom to be upset without having to do anything about it.

The Second Chapter

You’ve now become aware that there is a hole on the path and are afraid of falling into it. You fall into it anyway. This time you take responsibility for the fall, not blaming anyone else for it. But you hate yourself for the blunder, beating yourself up over making the same mistake over and over again.

This happens when we first turn our attention inward. We realise that the choices are ours to make. But we’re trapped into patterns by years of conditioning and habit, and make the same mistakes again. We haven’t learned to accept life and ourselves, so the anger that was once turned towards the world now turns inwards.

The Third Chapter

You’re now aware that this is a habit, and there is a possibility of falling into the hole. So when it happens, you are not surprised. You are in acceptance, so there is no blaming or judging, merely a focus on getting out of the hole. 

Once we become more accepting of life and people, much of the pain disappears. Difficult situations are just a happening, an old pattern waiting to drop off. And until that happens, we patients navigate through it the best we can. This means we allow ourselves and others the space to make mistakes without making an issue out of it.

The Fourth Chapter

You are walking. You see the hole. You walk around it. 

When an old pattern drops off, life might still present us with similar situations. But when we are in awareness, we catch ourselves before we repeat old patterns, and instead of reacting unconsciously, we now respond in awareness.

The Fifth Chapter

You choose another road, there is no hole.

Once we’ve transcended the need for the drama, the need for learning new lessons, life brings a shift. We now have greater space in our lives for beauty and peace, we can dance through life. The difficulties drop away and learning comes through love and harmony instead of hard knocks.

Every aspect of our life moves at a different pace. So while say, we might be at chapter 5 with our anger issues, we might still be at chapter 1 with forgiveness. There is a time and place for everything, so of course, we may not shift from chapter 1 to 5 overnight. But awareness, awareness, awareness is the key!

Here’s a video of Kiara narrating the story.

Positive, Negative & Beyond

Positive, Negative & Beyond

Today’s version of spirituality is largely just playing out one side of duality. ‘Spiritual’ to most people, indicates a state where one is always happy, positive and unaffected by everything around them.

This of course, sounds better than being negative. Ordinarily, a person faced with problems is weighed down by them, and unpleasant incidents float around in the mind, causing agony and frustration. Not a pleasant place to be.

So, once these people have gathered enough strength, or enough frustration, whatever the case, they switch to being positive. They refuse to be bothered by situations or people. They choose to be grateful for everything they have in life, and focus on only those things that bring a smile to their face. Sounds good, right? But is it?

Life is like a pendulum. You can spend some time on one extreme, but sooner or later you are going to swing to the other end. It is only a matter of time. That is why, people who become ‘positive’, always smiling and full of life, eventually have to come face to face with their own darkness.

The problem with positivity is that it is not all inclusive – it lives in denial of darkness, which means one lives a lie. Positive people eventually start having big problems with all the ‘negative’ people in their lives. In extreme cases, they pick up the diseased energies of everyone around them. Crowds are a nightmare.

Then they get together with other positive people and try to figure out how to throw the toxic people out of their lives. But that never happens, because it is through these people that life is trying to show them a mirror.

Both positive and negative people are just trying to solve the same problems, in different ways. Both are making the same mistake – assuming that there is a problem. Because, there isn’t.

As I mentioned, life is like a pendulum. We all swing from one side to another. Either you can live life experiencing intense emotions on both sides, or you can settle in the center with very little or no movement, experiencing neither misery nor ecstasy. It is your choice, both are ok.

It only becomes a problem when we reject what is happening. When we resist the flow, then we either need a positive or negative way of thinking to make sense of what is happening to us. This resistance creates either mental disturbance, physical disease, or both.

To truly transcend a life situation it is important to look at, acknowledge and accept every aspect of our selves, and of our lives. It is as it is. This is part of your story, a story that you wrote yourself before your birth because you had some lessons in mind.

Every emotion you experience is important and needs all of your attention. Every situation in life is important and needs all of you, so that you can get the most out of it. Life is not about ‘not getting affected’. It is about getting affected with abandon. Because in reality, you are that which fire cannot burn and water cannot drown, you are that which was never born and will never die. You are just playing. Might as well play it right, right?

The Danger in Compromise

The Danger in Compromise

When we think of relationships, compromise almost seems a synonym. Of course, right? How could a happy relationship exist without compromise? Any relationship – whether romantic, family, in-laws or friends involves different, sometimes diametrically opposite people.

While one likes football, the other may like the Opera. One might seek thrill outdoors while the other might want to curl up under blankets to relax. One might like to get things off the chest by confronting, while the other might be willing to do anything to avoid a confrontation. Sooner or later, these two people will have to meet midway. Compromise?

I may be wrong in saying that compromise poisons a relationship. So let me begin with what compromise means to me – to compromise is to ‘settle’ for something less than desirable, often as a result of perceiving no other choice.

But here’s the thing. When you really love someone, it doesn’t feel like one is ‘settling’. These things are voluntary. A friend once mentioned how he watched painfully cheesy romantic films along with his girlfriend. When I asked him why, he said that he enjoyed these times nevertheless because it brought him joy to see her happy. It wasn’t compromise, it was choice. And that makes all the difference.

Choice is voluntary. Compromise is forced, or perceived as such, due to lack of other options. Compromise seeks a payoff, and on not finding enough, it can create considerable resentment. Over time, resentment from compromise builds up, leading to cracks in the relationship.

Choices are most found in parent-child relationships. Parents willingly give up many things to bring comfort, security or happiness to the child. This happens because parents are almost always aware of their love for the child. This is something that somehow disappears in most other relationships.

Look for a win-win

Most times when we seek compromise, the underlying attitude is really about how both can lose equally, ‘adjust’ equally. If we can take a step back here, and go back to love, take the attention to how both people can get the best of the situation, then things change, even if it is the same solution.

Go back to love

The older a relationship gets, the more tedious and tiring it tends to become. Patterns repeat, and we seek easy ways out. If we let this fatigue motivate us to find a solution, we will end up with another tiring mess. Instead, the moment we become aware of a desire to brush things under the carpet, we can bring our complete awareness to the situation. We can remind ourselves of the love we have for this other person, whether parent, spouse, sibling or child, and ask ourselves how we can really resolve this problem, instead of just temporarily ‘fixing’ it.

Dancing with Life

Dancing with Life

Put your heart and soul into dancing with life

It seems like another lifetime when I learned Reiki. Life then used to be slow, almost a crawling pace. It all seemed under control, and lessons were learned one at a time. Things started speeding up 2010 onwards, and suddenly what people took a decade to experience, they were experiencing within a year. Those who were prepared, faced a little less trouble than others, but we all faced the music anyway. We’re still facing the music, most of us, aren’t we? Question is, are you just listening, or are you dancing to it?

There cannot be pleasure without pain
Every time I heard the above statement, I knew that it must be true, but I couldn’t really ‘get’ it. So here’s an idea that helped me understand.

Take the example of a dancer. To be a dancer does not mean that you will never fall or never hurt yourself. And yet, a true dancer gives every move his everything, If every dancer occupied his or her time with the pain that dancing brought, or the frustration of it’s rigor, there would be no joy, no pleasure in the dance. A dancer lives in joy because she knows that pain is natural. So is the bliss.

You are in this body (and mind) because the universe wants to experience what it is like, to be YOU. To experience what it feels like, to be happy, sad, angry, calm, frustrated, pleased, ecstatic, desolate, and everything else – as you.

So participate in every moment life brings your way. It may be a tough move, but give it your best and dance anyway. You may not be graceful yet, or the best dancer around, but you’ll learn. And the best part is, you’ll enjoy every moment of it.

Healing Intense Emotions

Healing Intense Emotions

The last few years have been interesting. Whether this is due to the 2012 effect, the alignment of planets, the effect of media and electronics or none of it, many people observe that life has gotten faster, harder and emotions seem more out of control. The individual as well as collective mind seems to be undergoing an upheaval.

What’s going on?
From my perspective, it looks like a mass cleansing. It appears as if years of bottled up and suppressed emotions are being brought to the surface. While this is a nice thing in the long term, in the short term it can create a lot of disturbance.

What can we do?
As a soul, we take physical form to experiment and experience. But when we forget this fact, the incidents in life go from being an ‘interesting experience’ to a burden and a curse. As long as we resist the present moment, no matter how illogical and fearsome it may be, we create more hindrance than what is already present.

We start by telling ourselves that it is natural to go through whatever we are going through. Just like the more one struggles in water, the faster one drowns, the more one resists in life, the faster they reach a nervous breakdown.

But what if I can’t?
Most of us know about the acceptance already, don’t we? So what do we do when we’re stuck with a head overflowing with emotions?

Start with this:

Breathe into your pain

If the emotions are particularly intense, then breathe quickly and forcefully for about 10 seconds, before settling into a gentle but deep breathing for 3 minutes.

Feel the emotions
When the emotions are at a manageable level, allow them to surface, and feel whatever else comes up. It helps to spend some time sitting in front of a blank wall as it allows the projections to become easier.

It is a natural response for many of us to try avoiding what we are feeling, by watching TV, surfing the internet or using some other form of activity. While this might help temporarily, it only suppresses the emotions for some time, before they come up and bother you again. If we can sit and allow ourselves to surrender to these feelings, then they will eventually pass, leaving our system clean.

Note that feeling and expressing aren’t the same thing. When you are truly immersed in feeling, you don’t have any energy left to express. It is only when you are trying to avoid the feeling, that the energy you are trying to suppress comes out as an explosive emotional outburst.

Accept it
Feelings come and go. But our conditioning causes us to judge our feelings, due to which we try suppressing them. For instance, if a mother is very angry with her child, she feels like a bad mother and tries to suppress it. This causes her frustration and even more self-directed anger, which eventually comes out on the child. Often this just becomes a pattern, as the anger she takes out on the child causes more guilt and anger.

Acceptance creates a huge space for problem solving. When in resistance, we are stuck with a thought that the only way to be happy is to make this problem go away. Acceptance opens things up and allows us to say ‘Ok, so this is where I am now. How do I make the best of this situation?’ So instead of agonizing over what you cannot do, you are focused on what you can.