We all know that the external world is a reflection of our inner world. But the opposite is also true. We construct our inner world based on the information we receive from the external world. And this is a problem, because no matter what information we receive, that is not who we are.

None of us can see ourselves – none of us knows exactly what we look like, physically, emotionally, etc. So we use mirrors to determine where we stand and what we’re worth. So when others perceive us as ugly, we think Oh, I’m ugly. When others hurt us, we think Oh, I deserve to be hurt. And this is ESPECIALLY true for us when we’re children. It’s also true for a lot of adults because most adults are still just little children in big bodies. Most people tend to still base their self-worth on what others think of them, or they become rebels and invite judgment – both are equally dependent on opinions.

But you know what, the issue was never that you got judged, or abandoned, or wounded by someone else. When you go deep enough you realise that the real problem is that you decided to judge, abandon or wound yourself when it happened. Whenever I’ve asked a distressed client in the heat of the moment, to simply hug themselves and tell themselves “I love you, I am here for you no matter what” and to mean it, it’s led to a flood of tears. Because you miss no one more than you.

So the next time you feel alone and abandoned, just hug yourself and say the magic words. And mean it. And cry, cry and cry. Until you smile.