True love is something  we all covet, but when we stop to think about it, what is true love after all, and how do we recognise it? Does such a thing even exist? Then are all other ‘loves’ false? Yes and no. I believe that there is no difference, but I use the ‘true love’ term anyway, because people seem to call everything else love too.

People seem to mistake what I call ’emotional addictions’ to be love most of the time. An emotional addiction is something that is a very convenient arrangement atleast initially. Something like smoking. All of us have gaps and holes in our emotional personalities, and anyone who fills them is a favourite of ours, because they make us feel nice. But just like any addiction, these relationships slowly start strangulating the person, preventing his growth and making him miserable. It comes to a “can’t live with, can’t live without” situation, because staying with the person is misery, but without that person, one feels completely lost and starved. Just like withdrawal symptoms, actually.

Most relationships are varying degrees of emotional addictions. Where the need is more, the addiction, the bond, is stronger. And in case of separation, the pain is that much unbearable. When you see people wanting to commit suicide after being dumped, you know its a serious case of addiction – the absence of the lover leaves an emotional gap the person cannot handle.

Someone recently told me, “whats wrong if someone fills your emotional needs; if we have needs, obviously it is good if someone fills them”. No. This is why I say life must be a journey of constant self-development, a journey where you are constantly persevering to eliminate your own emotional needs. As long as you have these gaps, you’re susceptible. To steer clear of emotional addictions, you HAVE to work at filling your own gaps.

So now you’re wondering, how do I identify addictions and what is true love anyway? Think of a person you love very much. Now imagine them dead. How will you feel, will you survive? What are your biggest fears – that of being left alone? Or how you will manage the bills or the kids, or who will take care of you?? Those are your gaps. Those fears will tell you where your gaps are being filled.

The mother-child relationship is often hailed as the ideal love relationship because it is not based on need. I’m talking generally, ofcourse, I’ve seen a lot of mothers fail at it. However, generally the mother loves the child no matter what it does. It is not a need-based relationship – you can live away from your mother and you still feel her presence in your heart.

Coming to love, it is non-binding. It is something that helps you grow. When you are in love, you find yourself becoming the best person you ever were. All the best parts of you start blooming and the negatives start getting erased. Two people in love help each other grow, and help each other eliminate their own emotional needs. They’d be making their partners more independent in the process. The most important part of love is loving oneself. Love makes you see the beauty in yourself and realise that you’re special. And this love spills over and benefits everyone around you.

If you find yourself telling your lover ‘I can’t live without you’, think again, you have addiction written all over the relationship. But if you say ‘I can live without you, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you’, you probably have something going.