In an age where identity and independence are given foremost importance, those who want to go the traditional way, i.e. let their parents choose their life partner, find themselves in a dilemma. Is this the best thing to do? Several questions come up, because after all, this is a decision that will affect the rest of your life, potentially many decades.

The first question you should be asking yourself is whether you should be getting married, at all. If you find a good enough reason to do so, we come to the question of how we’d be able to take the right decision.

It would be wise to look at a few parameters first – Would you say that you are a good judge of people? Do you frequently find that friends turned out to be quite different from what you first imagined them to be? How about your parents? Would you say that they are a good judge of people? Have they been able to offer you sound advice regarding your friends, and been right? A fair analysis of these questions would give you a good idea of who has a better capability to assess people – and this is important, because people are on their best behaviour when seeking out their life partner.

Now if you’re good at assessing people, no problem, right? Go ahead and make your choice. But if you would rather let your parents take the lead, here are a few more pointers to keep in mind.

If your parents were to choose a partner for you, what is of foremost importance is whether they truly understand you. Or do they have a stereotyped image of you in mind, labeling you based on a few incidents from your past? If a person does not understand you as a person, how would they know who you would be compatible with?

Also, no matter who is choosing a partner for you, everyone is eventually just looking for one type of person – the sort of partner THEY would want for themselves. Very rarely does anyone have your needs in mind, and this is because we all have an image of the perfect partner drawn up in our minds based on our own needs, and we apply this standard to everyone. So, it is important to find out what qualities your parents prioritise in a person, and whether those are the same things you seek.

Many times, parents are more worried about the financial status, the history of the family, the security, etc, than the actual compatibility of the couple. This could be disastrous, even more so if the family is using it’s financial or social status to hide the internal dynamics of their family.

Ultimately, no matter who you choose, there will be a few surprises and a few disappointments. Marriage is more about giving, than receiving and this is a bond one must enter with that attitude. As a man, you would need to take extra care that your new wife is able to adjust to the new environment. She is often in shock because things turn out be drastically different from the way her family does it. As a woman, you need to be aware that things will be different, and just because they are different, does not mean that they are wrong. A new addition to the family changes old family equations and everyone needs time to readjust.