There’s a video doing rounds recently (My Choice), where Deepika Padukone proudly declares that she can do what she likes, it is her choice, thank you very much. And that includes having sex outside marriage. I was a bit surprised when I saw the video, but what disturbed me even more was when women I thought of as strong, started happily sharing it on Facebook.

We all want to be men

We’ve lost it, I think, in this whole war between men and women. It is like saying ‘you’ve been an idiot all along, and now you cannot stop me from being an idiot too’. Awesome.

In this drive for feminism, it is uncool to be a woman. Everyone wants to be a man. A woman wants to wear the pants, literally and figuratively. Well, great, but then who’s going to be wearing the skirts? So many women today are not ‘women’ anymore. Women eventually become mothers, who are symbols of nourishment and unending love. Do the women today nourish? They’re too busy neglecting their families and leaving their kids in the care of parents and maidservants in pursuit of their careers. They’re too busy trying to have it all – work, travel, looks, marriage AND kids. Usually, it is the kids who get the raw end of the deal. But hey! In a multi-income family, at least they have enough toys.

What else did we expect?

This is understandable though. Through several generations now, women have been on the receiving end and suffered immensely. Now they’re tired of having to put up with all the suppression, and are hitting back. Men can’t handle that someone they took for granted for centuries is now not the same anymore. Everyone is just acting out their pain, and inflicting pain on everyone else with the excuse that they’ve had it for so long.

Don’t turn the tables

To turn and bite back is NOT the solution. As a therapist, I have more male clients being tortured by their wives, than female clients being tortured by their husbands. It is unfair to draw conclusions only from my clientele, but at least, we know that such things exist.

So many women today want to marry a rich guy, stop working, and go parlor-hopping. They don’t want to cook or clean or care for the man in any other way. And when the man wants to leave because he finds that she wants a husband but has no interest in being a wife, she throws a couple of court cases in his face, drags his whole family to court, and demands alimony. I have even seen a woman beat her husband up in a court house. What about these men? Don’t they have any rights? Don’t they deserve justice and happiness?

Pain is Pain

It doesn’t matter who is in pain. If men are pained, they will pass it on to women. If women are in pain, they will pass it on to men. How do we stop the cycle? By looking inwards and healing ourselves. Pointing fingers won’t get us anywhere.

So yes, go ahead and do things that you want to do – whether you are a man or a woman. It is your choice. But are your choices driven by love or fear? Do you want to wear short skirts because you really want to, or is it to rebel? Do you tell your wife not to wear short skirts out of love or because you want her to do your bidding? Acting out of love will create situations where love can grow. Acting in fear or with a desire to control will only create a bigger mess.

We can’t exist without the other

We want freedom. But what about the freedom of a woman to stay at home and care for her children – is that really possible without a man? What about a man who wants to be able to dedicate his life to a career – can he really succeed without a woman to look after his needs? Or even vice versa.

We can’t get anywhere without love. Yes you want your freedom, but you can only be so free if all you care about is yourself. If you really want freedom, you’re going to have to sacrifice, irrespective of whether you are a man or a woman. Sometimes, that means letting your child have the last slice of pie. Sometimes it means sacrificing a career. Or a promotion. Or other desires. But when the sacrifice comes because YOU want to do it, and not because you are afraid of your spouse or the society, then you know that you have come of age.

Men and women aren’t that different. We are human beings first. And it will serve us well to remember that.