My young, gifted magician friend once made the mistake of levitating in front of a bunch of kids, and life was never the same again. All the children in the apartment now believed that he could fly, and he was plagued by these kids everytime they spotted him, whether he was returning from college or out for a run. It was quite frustrating to be surrounded by a bunch of kids, pulling and twisting his arms, trying to bully him into levitating once again for them. He didn’t want to hurt them, while they had no qualms about hurting him.

I ran into him once, while he was in the midst of another of these torturous moments. He looked at me, hoping I would help somehow, but all I did was tell him to relax. “Stop resisting, let them do whatever they want”. “What!?” “Yup”. And so he let go, and within just 2 or 3 seconds, the boys ran off as if nothing had happened. It was… magic. And he was shocked at how unbelievably easy it was.

This is exactly how it is with problems. I’ve always said that problems are like quicksand, and the more you resist, the deeper you sink, but nothing could have presented this idea more lucidly than this incident. Problems exist, problems are inevitable, but what is unnecessary is the hoopla that surrounds it.

A client mentioned to me yesterday that he believed being spiritual was about feeling peace, and that meditation was about not having any thoughts. Yes, being spiritual is about having no problems in life at all – because there ARE no problems. Spiritual is an outlook – every difficulty is a challenge that enables your growth, keeps you alive. It is about being at peace with your challenges, not making a problem out of every difficulty. And meditation is about being in peace with, and being aware of your thoughts.

Again, the basic step to proceed any further would be observation and deep listening to oneself – for one cannot change an aspect of oneself unless it is first identified. Please read this article on Deep Listening, if you haven’t already done so.

Here are the common behaviors I’ve observed in myself and others, that may tend to compound an already existing problem.

Why Me?
Often the first reaction to problems that test our capabilities, is ‘why is this happening to me?’. Most of us have been brought up on a staple dose of fairy tales which taught us that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. Not only is this untrue, but it is a belief system that brings us considerable pain in the long run. Things just happen. The mind tries to make sense of it, tries to rationalize it and fit it into a pattern so that it can ‘protect’ itself the next time, but this is just the obsession of a confused mind, nothing else.

Chasing the solution
Once we have acknowledged a problem, there is a strong tendency to ‘fix it’. So keen are we, that we run from pillar to post, seeking a solution, often not staying long enough anywhere to really be helped. Very often we then get addicted to the chase itself, forgetting altogether that the whole purpose was to solve the problem.

It is important to accept the problem first and relax in it. If we are trying to escape the present, the future isn’t really going to get any better.

If you find yourself lost in the chase for a solution, give yourself a small time frame in which you promise yourself not to chase anything. During this time, give your complete attention to understanding the problem from all aspects, and accept the situation as it is.

How do you accept the situation? Meditate – observe your thoughts, and don’t be alarmed at your own thoughts. Accept them as the natural thoughts of any person in your position. Consider the worst case scenarios, and be mentally prepared to face them. You are strong enough, and you’ll sail through this too.

Believing its going to last forever
Nothing new here, most of us know already the phrase ‘this too shall pass’, but it becomes very hard to imagine that these bad times will clear the way for good times in the future, when you’re in the heat of the moment. It is ok if the understanding is superficial, but it still helps to be able to remind oneself of the nasty as well as the good times in the past which passed away. Nothing lasts forever.

Allowing others to convince you that you can’t handle it
Sympathy is a killer. While it feels great to have someone patronizing come and sympathize with the mess you are in, they are indirectly telling you they have no faith in your abilities to tackle the situation. And like it or not, you’re going to start believing this too. Surround yourself with people who have faith that this is not a big deal for you – not the kind that expect you to tackle the problems in the particular way, or those who feel sorry for you. If you crave the company of such people, that’s also alright, but just be aware of it and observe how you feel when you are around them.

Lastly, if the problem brings up strong emotions, then it could even be a projection of our own mind. Dealing with intense emotions, followed by creating a healing space for oneself can be quite helpful.