Zen: The Art of Nothing

Have a question that’s not answered here? Leave your question in the comments!

How many minutes should I meditate everyday?

Ideally, meditation should be your living, breathing state. There are two aspects to meditation. One is the daily practice itself. The practice should be a minimum of 21 minutes long, ideally as many minutes as your age.

The second aspect is applying it in daily life, working on a moment to moment awareness. Of course we falter, and this is how we learn.

I cannot meditate for long. I feel too restless and get up. Is this ok?

This is another common reaction of the mind and we have to learn to put it aside. For this reason, I usually suggest my students to use a timer. This way, you are forced to sit through and witness all the dramas of the mind, including the ones that say that it is impossible to sit a moment longer. This desperation is just another game of the mind we must learn to witness and transcend. So feel it and breathe into your desperation.

Why don’t I feel peaceful when I meditate?

It is a misconception that the mind will shut down and you will feel some peace during meditation. Meditation brings peace into your life by clearing out the stuff that’s keeping you miserable, during the practice. So if you’re doing it right, your mind will bring up everything that disturbs you, during your meditation.

When you learn to resist the temptation to run with the mind and gently detach yourself from the drama, you start changing the patterns of your mind and create space for peace and quiet in your day.

People seem to see colors, visions, feel vibrations, etc. during meditation. I don’t feel anything. What is wrong with me?

Meditation is about being in the moment. So whether you feel something or not, you are not meditating if you are sitting there thinking ‘wow, what a great meditation I am having, such a wonderful experience’ OR ‘why am I not feeling anything, I have so many thoughts’. Experiences are no indicator of a good meditation – detachment to those thoughts, is.

Some people are naturally psychic and meditation opens up their capabilities to see more. If anything, this may be a distraction in their path, nothing else. Do not compare experiences with others.

I had a wonderful experience in meditation the other day. But it hasn’t happened again. How can I bring that experience back?

Same thing. Meditation is about being in the present. Even more than anything else, it is understanding that every moment brings something different. If we get caught up in the experiences – whether that is trying to fix something bad, or trying to recreate something good, then we are running with the mind, and not meditating. Whatever happens during meditation, pay no heed.

How do I know I am making progress?

I once read a wonderful reply by Osho to this question. How do you know if you are making progress? If you are sick and you take some medicines, how do you know if you are making progress? If you’re improving, you know it. There is no question.

At the same time, there are a few external parameters that show progress. Are you kinder to people around you? How are you treating your spouse? How are you treating your subordinates? Are you less angry and frustrated than before? Are you able to feel joy and love for no reason?

Of course, it takes a few months usually, before you start seeing changes. Meditation is a slow process and takes years. Even so, if you are asking this question, you probably need to sit down and meditate on the question and transcend it. The desire to progress is again a desire created in the mind to take you away from the present.

Meditation FAQs – I

April 28, 2015 Ashwita Comments 0 Comment

Have a question that’s not answered here? Leave your question in the comments!

What is meditation?

Meditation is your natural state. However, years of conditioning have led us to become a bundle of nerves. Alongside that, the mind has taken over and now believes that it is everything. Isn’t that true? Don’t you think that you are the mind? If you took away all your opinions and beliefs, would you know who you are? Meditation is the process of finding the answer to that question.

What is NOT meditation?

Guided visualizations are not meditation. Chanting is not meditation. Anything that involves the mind or creates a new belief system is not meditation, although many of these tools are a good starting point for many. Just don’t get stuck there.

Why should I meditate?

Why should you be in your natural state? Why should you rest in natural great peace? Don’t you want to?

Our current lives revolve around chasing. Look at the older generation. Once they retire, many of them waste away to death. So many get depressed or severely ill. This is because by the time we reach retirement, we usually have nothing left to chase. Nothing outside of yourself will bring you lasting joy. You can chase, but in the end, you’ll just find yourself clueless and exhausted.

What is the best technique for meditation?

There are hundreds of techniques that you can use. If you are sincere, you will find the right technique for you when you outgrow the one you’ve been using. Essentially, meditation does not need a technique. The techniques are to help you bypass the mind. My personal favorite method is mindfulness.

I can’t learn meditation, my mind is never quiet.

That is like saying, I can’t do yoga because I can’t touch my toes. If your mind is always chattering, then it is even more essential that you meditate and rise above the noise. It may be hard in the beginning, but you’ll get there slowly. Regular practice is the key.

When I meditate, I have too many thoughts. How do I fix this?

This is natural. For most people, an initial experience with meditation is being drowned in a flood of thoughts. So they think that they aren’t meditating, or cannot meditate. But this isn’t true. You ARE meditating. The thoughts will come. Just don’t run with them.

I fall asleep when I meditate. Is this ok?

Yes, it is ok. In the beginning, many people have too much tamas in their body. Tamas is dull, lethargic energy and causes sleep.With practice, you will be able to stay awake easily, even if you are meditating lying down.

Eating for Spiritual Growth

April 23, 2015 Ashwita Comments 0 Comment

One of the most commonly debated topics is probably the vegetarian-non-vegetarian one. One will rarely reach a conclusion because food is something a lot of people identify with. And as long as you identify with something, you cannot transcend it.

What is food?

Have you ever realized that what is on your plate today will be a part of your body tomorrow? Food is not just nourishment or nutrition. It is what our body is eventually made of. The quality of the food you eat, will decide the quality of your body and mind tomorrow. They didn’t say ‘you are what you eat’ just like that.

Do I have to be a vegetarian to be spiritual?

Short answer, no.

However, if you are serious about your spiritual practice, it would be very helpful to adhere to a satvik diet as much as possible. A satvik diet is one that will support your spiritual practice, providing your body with high vibrating building blocks. This means no over-eating and no low vibration foods.

What are low-vibration foods?

People have gotten stuck with the belief that only non vegetarian food is bad. Vegetarians can be eating very bad food too.

Several foods can be vibrating with poor energies

Foods prepared when the cook is upset, angry or tired
Foods that are frozen, canned, or processed in any other way are nearly dead and have no energy
Cooked foods that are more than 3-5 hours old.
The vibration of foods from high to low, goes roughly in this order-
leaves, fruits, vegetables, cereal, milk products, pickles, eggs, fish, poultry, mutton, pork, beef
I know from seeing people’s auras that beef significantly dulls one’s energies.

How do I raise the vibration of my food?

Here are a few tips

Eat raw, fresh, chemical free foods as much as possible
If possible, cook your own food and eat it within 3 hours of cooking
Enjoy your food. Take the time to involve all your senses – look at the food, smell it, eat with your hands if possible and feel the texture and then of course, the taste
Let mealtimes be meditation times. Avoid distractions, and conversations or tv programs that trigger strong reactions
Don’t make food an issue. Today we travel a lot and if food preferences are going to take you away from the present, then the whole exercise is pointless. Be flexible.

Dialogue: Surrender, Ego, Enlightenment

April 17, 2015 Ashwita Comments 0 Comment

The right questions are more important than the right answers. I know this is a long post, but it was such a wonderful discussion that I couldn’t resist posting it.

Balaji: I have heard you talk about letting go of things and not expecting anything, just live life, give up on your desires. I agree the surrender part, but giving up on desires is something that i don’t understand. What if god wants u to think from the heart and ask what your heart wants truly to Him, so that he gives his child what he or she wants? That’s law of attraction right, ask, have faith and receive it

What if god is really a genie from the lamp, like how its put in secret and just tells your wish is my command. Then whatever people ask is what they get. So if people ask for attaining the highest level to god, they will attain it right?

This will contradict your statement of giving up on things right? i understand the concept of I being god and god being I, and that one needs to reduce the gap of ego between the I and god to understand the above statement. But what if this ego could be removed by asking god what u want from the heart?

Ashwita: Your question is fairly complicated because it shifts between levels.

First – the ultimate thing in the journey is to realize that you ARE a part of God. So there is no one to ask things of. If nature puts you there, it takes care of you – if there is a seed, it will get water to sprout and grow. Asking or not asking will not make a difference.

The law of attraction in my observation does not really work. Yes, when certain things are destined for you, there is a strong ‘feeling’ that it will come, which brings along with it a positivity and determination to get that something. When it comes, you think ‘you’ did it. You didn’t. It is like being on a train to Mumbai and praying to God that you reach Mumbai. Of course he answered your prayers. It feels like a significant thing because maybe for a part of the journey the train was going in the opposite direction and you thought that all was lost. That was all part of the plan.

“what if this ego could be removed by asking god what u want from the heart” -> who is the ‘u’ you are talking about in the latter half of the statement, if not the ego?

Balaji: After a day of observation, a lot of things arose, i got the logic of the train example, but wen it comes to the asking or not asking will not make a difference- if this is true then even a person that’s ignorant in life will be liberated at the end?? and even in scriptures like the bible its written only if u ask will u receive.

Even in our history like the Mahabarath and Ramayan, all the powers each character obtained was only after asking god for them. Even Mikao Usui sat down for meditation only because he had a clear intent of what he wanted. He asked and nature gave it. So does it mean that when a person wants something, if the person meditates upon it he shall receive it??

Ashwita: You are confusing powers with awakening – they are both very different things. But even apart from that, yes it remains the same. The asking is a part of the story. Of course you receive only when you ask – even a baby does not get milk until it cries. Or so it thinks.

The asking and receiving part of the story exists in duality. If you want to remain stuck in it, you remain stuck in the ego. When the ego dissolves, there is no one left to ask. Things happen. That is it. Nobody’s home anymore.

Balaji: What is ego? If asking something is ego, then how can one survive in this fast paced life?

Ashwita: Asking is not a part of the ego – having the illusion that you don’t get until you ask, is. Asking is required, it is a part of the story

Think of it like this. You are an actor. You have to say a dialogue. Then the other man saying something. The dialogue is your part. The next dialogue is also predetermined. To think that the next dialogue comes because of you is the illusion.

Balaji: Ooooooooo, okiii so since its predetermined that means god knows that I will ask him so and so things at so and so time?? So even if I fail to tell my dialogues he would have told it?? He is like a tape recorder that just keeps playing?? Then why is it written u ask and u shall receive it??

Ashwita: Yeah that’s mostly correct. As for the bible, most of the things mentioned over there are with regards to the spiritual path – not so much with materialism. So to seek God – yeah, before the ego dissolves that is required, and a real seeker will of course put in the requisite efforts. Without seeking also things happen sometimes, but largely if you ‘seek’ – i.e. if you seek the presence genuinely, it starts to become stronger and the pull of your mind, weaker.

Balaji: Interesting, when u say seek the presence genuinely what are you referring to??

Ashwita: When I say seeking presence genuinely, I mean that you don’t seek it to decorate your ego further. Many people want enlightenment because it would make them feel better about themselves. Then the moment they come face to face with an unpleasant fact about themselves, it puts them off. They just want reassurance from the path that their belief systems are perfect. A true seeker wants to break all belief systems.

Balaji: And where do all these people who have lost their ego self stay??? Can they live in a society like ours??

Ashwita: Nothing really changes when the ego dissolves – in fact, you can be a better ‘actor’ on the stage of life. Many enlightened people I have heard of, almost no body in their family knew they were enlightened, and they continued living like ‘normal’ people. A few would see the light in them and become disciples and that is how I heard of these people.

Balaji: How does one get to know that the ego self is dissolving within themselves??

Ashwita: I guess one would start seeing that one is less controlled by the mind. You are able to let go and surrender to life more. You are more in the present moment and running away less to past and future.

Balaji: Have u met anybody who has lost their ego self?? And how do u know that the person you’re talking to is a person that’s enlightened?

Ashwita: Yes I believe I have.

It is almost impossible to tell by watching their actions or behavior. One thing that might be noticeable is that they might be visibly in the present moment – not holding on to stuff from the past, but that is also hard to tell. The only way I assess is by looking into their eyes. I guess once you start having some access to ‘the light’, you can see and identify it in other people.

Balaji: Yeah sometimes i get confused so much with the way our belief systems our built without questioning. People just agree to whatever is written without understanding the context in which they are being told.

When u say less controlled by the mind, how can one make decisions??

Ashwita: Decisions will only be better when you are less controlled by the mind – because now YOU can use the mind to take the right factors into account, keep obsessions at bay and take the right decision based on logical as well as intuitive assessment, without giving in to unreasonable fears.

Balaji: What does surrender on to life mean???

Ashwita: Surrender to life – To be in acceptance of whatever life throws at you. This includes any action you might have to take to deal with the incidents. Doesn’t mean you just sit in one corner saying ok, life threw this at me, I accept it, I won’t do anything.

Balaji: When u say present moment, your present consists of both the time line of past and the future right?? The moment was once a future and then it became present and then it became past, so the ego can be dissolved in any area of the time line right?? Why is it specific that u need to be in the present to dissolve it?

Ashwita: The present is only the present. The past and future are aspects of the mind. When you REALLY start to observe your mind, you realise that it runs to the past and future because it doesn’t like what is being handed out to it in the present. There is nothing really, to dissolve in the past or future.

I compare this with a kaleidoscope. The present is a particle in the center. The past, childhood, inner child, past lives, ancestry, future, etc are all different mirrors. You can try resolving it by looking at the mirrors, but the reflection shows you only one side of the particle. Much easier to deal with the particle – the present, itself. It holds all aspects of all time.

Dealing with Hurtful People

April 13, 2015 Ashwita Comments 4 comments

We live in a community. Sooner or later, someone will hurt us.

Whenever I talk about acceptance and surrender, one question that inevitably comes up is ‘so then how do I deal with this person who is hurting me, do i just stop reacting? Won’t they hurt me more if I stop giving it back? Won’t their egos get bigger?’

It is a relevant question, and one of the hardest life lessons to learn is effectively dealing with those who are hurting us.

It is about you, not them

The first, hardest thing to embrace is that whatever problem it is, it isn’t about that other person. No matter how vindictive, how sick, idiotic or sadistic they have been, it is your own negativity they are reflecting back to you. The whole world is your mirror, and every person reflects back an aspect of you. Some reflect back the nice sides, some the unpleasant. But it is all just you.

Now, one thing to watch out for here, is the tendency to be harsh on yourself. When this realization strikes deeply, one tends to take all the hatred they’ve been directing towards others and turn it inwards. This isn’t going to help. Skip it.

Don’t give your power away

Whenever you insist that someone else needs to change for you to be happy, you are giving your power away. Essentially, you are saying that you refuse to be happy until this person you hate, changes. Does that look like a sensible quest to you?

Let go of Right vs Wrong

It is when we are stuck with ‘I am right and this person is wrong. Look at how ridiculous his/ her actions are’ when it is the hardest to heal. If you are going around seeking confirmation from people that this person IS horrible, you will lose out on the opportunity to transcend the mess and be happy.

It doesn’t matter how many people agree that the person who is bothering you is being ridiculous and needs to change. If you give your power away, then they are in charge and you are hostage.

So, then what next?

No matter what the situation, a problem arises only when we are unable to handle the way this person is making us feel. Once we understand this, we can focus on resolving our emotions, instead of asking the other person to change.

Does that mean I shouldn’t react?

When we react to situations, we are letting our emotions control us. When we respond to a situation, we are letting our wisdom guide us, and doing whatever makes sense. Both the reaction and response might be the same action sometimes.

If someone is hitting you, for example, it may be sensible to fight back, kick and slap. If you do this as a reaction, then your mind will cloud up, prevent you from thinking clearly, and also create emotional trauma for both of you. If you respond, you will be more stable and calm.

Resolving emotions and learning to respond

You will only start to heal the situation, when you take complete ownership for the mess. This is rarely easy, because it is much more convenient for the ego to put the blame on the other person.

Sit with your feelings. If you wish to resolve the issues, spend some time everyday, sitting with how this person makes you feel. Close your eyes, and visualize the person/ situation and allow yourself feel whatever comes up. Avoid blaming or trying to come up with an explanation. Just feel.

Then do it with them. Once you have some practice with surrendering to your pain, you can do it when you are with the person too. Remind yourself that this is not them but their pain acting through them. And allow yourself to feel everything you feel in that moment.

Bear in mind. Surrendering to your feelings does not mean that you scream and shout as you please. Screaming and shouting are reactions that come up when you are trying to avoid your feelings. When you focus on feeling, you may not say much and if you do, it will be effective.

Meditation is Death

April 7, 2015 Ashwita Comments 0 Comment

So many I know, are very concerned about having to return to the earth after we die. When I speak to people, many tell me that they are on the spiritual path because ‘I don’t want to come back after I die’.

At one level, this may be a good thing. They’ve realized the basic truth propounded by Gautama Buddha – ‘life is suffering’, at least to some extent. While it might be a nice fantasy to imagine never coming back after dying, never having to suffer again, it doesn’t come easy.

Death isn’t just about the body collapsing one day, and the heart ceasing to beat. You don’t have to wait that long, to never return. You can do that this instant. Because you are dying right now.

Have you read about the process that the ‘soul’ goes through after death? What happens? The first few moments, unless you were really resisting death, are usually bliss. The white light, maybe the angels, the peace. And then all the memories come back. There is a quick recap of every important incident in your life.

Important incidents aren’t just the wedding and the birth of your children, or that occasional award at work. They include that incident when your neighbour’s dog chewed up your imported shoes and they were unapologetic. Or that moment when you read about a rapist and wanted him to be castrated. Or worse…

Everything that triggered an emotional incident is an important event. And it is when you go through this, that you want to come back. You want to come back, to teach that neighbour a lesson. To teach that rapist a lesson. To undo the mistakes you yourself have made. To apologise, to punish.

But you don’t have to wait that long. Death is in this moment. Who do you want to apologise to, now? Who do you want to see punished, now? What are the lessons you want your loved ones to learn? How badly do you want these things? Would you be willing to let that go? Would this person who has these desires, be willing to die? Are you choosing to come back to the world again, this moment? Why will things be different when you leave this body, then?

And this is why, meditation is death. It helps you die before you leave your body. Just like in death, when meditation is deep enough, it brings up everything that binds you. So, instead of grappling with issues in another life, you grapple with them in meditation, and learn to let them go. Every regret, every resentment, every dream, every desire will eventually have to go, even the desire to never return.

Die. It is absolutely, the only way to live.

Are you just a pawn?

April 2, 2015 Ashwita Comments 0 Comment

The whole pathetic Vogue empower furore hasn’t died down yet, and now they have something new, a minister’s allegedly racist comments, to fight about. And as I read the indignant, angry comments on social media, I don’t see rationale. I see hypnosis.

Intellectuals are Easier to Hypnotize

When I was learning hypnotherapy, I found I was always aware of my surroundings. I remember seeing a past life where I was being killed. As I narrated that they were now throwing my body into a lake, I paused and told my therapist ‘would you turn down the light, please? It’s hurting my eyes’. And I thought, how’s this even possible?

I told my teacher I was probably too intelligent to be hypnotized. He smiled. ‘The higher your IQ, the more hypnotizable you are’, he said. I know this to be true now. Nobody is more hypnotized than the intellectual class – because nobody else believes their mind more.

And the more hypnotisable you are, the more you can be used, by everyone else. Today, the one doing the most using is the media. If you consider yourself an intellectual, chances are pretty high that you are merely a pawn in the hands of the media.

A simple look at the AAP versus BJP supporter fights will reveal this to you. Every so often, both sides will make valid, reasonable points. The other side refuses to see it, blinded by their own opinions. It is too scary to be proven wrong, because we look down upon stupidity. Such a pity this is, because instead of opening our eyes and looking at reality, we’re fighting to support our favorite party, ignoring their faults. Is the party here to serve you, or are you here to serve the party?

Think you know better?

The more a person thinks that he is knowledgeable and knows a lot, and that his opinion counts, the more stuck he is. And the easier it is to manipulate him.

It is so easy to see how the media is using people these days. Just pick a silly topic and make a big deal out of it. And thousands, nay, millions of ‘intellectuals’ will jump straight in and join you in making it a ‘trending topic’. This is how easy it is for the media to divert your attention from important issues that need your attention. They just count on how awesome you think your opinion is.

Wake up

As long as you take your mind seriously, you are trapped. If you identify with your opinions, you are easy to manipulate – by your mind as well as by others. Don’t. It is just an opinion, and an opinion is nothing but a conclusion formed by looking at a few sides of the story. We never have the complete story. Never.

When you are able to read/ view something without getting pulled into the drama, you will be able to see through it without getting manipulated. This needs regular meditation of course, but it’s an effort that is totally worth it’s while.

So, wake up, open your eyes. April 1 is gone, no need to be a fool anymore.

The Bane of Social Media

April 1, 2015 Ashwita Comments 1 comment

An average person checks email 30 times an hour when at work.

For a spiritual aspirant in the modern age, I think one of the biggest traps is the social media. There are two aspects to this. The attention span, and the desire to listen/ speak.

The Dangerously Low Attention Span

Many zen masters insist on developing deep, intense concentration before they impart any serious knowledge. This is because a flickering mind can accomplish very little.

We, on the other hand, have spent years programming our minds to process as little as possible. The advent of television had already reduced our attention spans to just 12 seconds – Notice how not a single shot on tv will last more than 6-8 seconds. If nothing else, they switch the angle. This makes sure your mind is engaged only for those many seconds. Today, the average attention span of internet surfers is 8 seconds. One second less than that of a goldfish.

We Speak. We don’t Listen

We are now a society where everyone wants to be heard, and no one wants to listen. Earlier, when we sat down for a chat we had to listen. At the most we’d have a cup of coffee in our hands, but apart from that, there was just us and the person we were talking to, no distractions. Have you stopped to observe what our communication today is like?

We’re on a phone call and we’re texting at the same time. Even worse, while driving. We’re skyping, but we’re surfing the web as we talk. Observe really carefully the next time this happens and you’ll realise – you’re not paying any attention at all.

Face it. We don’t actually care. We have no interest in really listening to the stories our loved ones are telling us. We are interested in listening to the extent of reinforcing our identities. For example, if you support a ban on animal slaughter, then you’ll pay a tad more attention to a page or a person supporting your views, than you would to something against it.

How this is Hurting Us

When nobody is listening, conversations become redundant. You talk about something, then talk about it again, and then repeat the same story yet again, and it is still not satisfying. So then we go blog about it, post it on facebook, twitter, instagram and what not, and we’re still not satisfied. Because no one is listening.

Add this fact to the shortening attention span, and it makes things even more difficult. You cannot listen, even if you are interested, even if this is your child talking about a tough day at school or something more painful.

It’s not Hard to Change

Mediation cannot be just an item on your schedule. It has to be a way of life, something you practice every moment.

Stop glorifying multi-tasking. There is nothing cool about multi-tasking. The brain cannot multi-task, and there are gaps between switching tasks, where it is doing nothing at all. This means that the more you switch between tasks, the less efficiently you will be using your brain.

Do one thing at a time, until you are finished. When you are reading an article, for instance, if you have a sudden urge to check your email, watch that desire and drop it. When you are having a conversation, do nothing else, respect the person who’s trying to talk to you.

Here’s an article I found very interesting: You’re Distracted: This Professor can Help

Men vs Women: Sensible?

March 30, 2015 Ashwita Comments 11 comments

What happened to happy couples? — What happened to love?

There’s a video doing rounds recently (My Choice), where Deepika Padukone proudly declares that she can do what she likes, it is her choice, thank you very much. And that includes having sex outside marriage. I was a bit surprised when I saw the video, but what disturbed me even more was when women I thought of as strong, started happily sharing it on Facebook.

We all want to be men

We’ve lost it, I think, in this whole war between men and women. It is like saying ‘you’ve been an idiot all along, and now you cannot stop me from being an idiot too’. Awesome.

In this drive for feminism, it is uncool to be a woman. Everyone wants to be a man. A woman wants to wear the pants, literally and figuratively. Well, great, but then who’s going to be wearing the skirts? So many women today are not ‘women’ anymore. Women eventually become mothers, who are symbols of nourishment and unending love. Do the women today nourish? They’re too busy neglecting their families and leaving their kids in the care of parents and maidservants in pursuit of their careers. They’re too busy trying to have it all – work, travel, looks, marriage AND kids. Usually, it is the kids who get the raw end of the deal. But hey! In a multi-income family, at least they have enough toys.

What else did we expect?

This is understandable though. Through several generations now, women have been on the receiving end and suffered immensely. Now they’re tired of having to put up with all the suppression, and are hitting back. Men can’t handle that someone they took for granted for centuries is now not the same anymore. Everyone is just acting out their pain, and inflicting pain on everyone else with the excuse that they’ve had it for so long.

Don’t turn the tables

To turn and bite back is NOT the solution. As a therapist, I have more male clients being tortured by their wives, than female clients being tortured by their husbands. It is unfair to draw conclusions only from my clientele, but at least, we know that such things exist.

So many women today want to marry a rich guy, stop working, and go parlor-hopping. They don’t want to cook or clean or care for the man in any other way. And when the man wants to leave because he finds that she wants a husband but has no interest in being a wife, she throws a couple of court cases in his face, drags his whole family to court, and demands alimony. I have even seen a woman beat her husband up in a court house. What about these men? Don’t they have any rights? Don’t they deserve justice and happiness?

Pain is Pain

It doesn’t matter who is in pain. If men are pained, they will pass it on to women. If women are in pain, they will pass it on to men. How do we stop the cycle? By looking inwards and healing ourselves. Pointing fingers won’t get us anywhere.

So yes, go ahead and do things that you want to do – whether you are a man or a woman. It is your choice. But are your choices driven by love or fear? Do you want to wear short skirts because you really want to, or is it to rebel? Do you tell your wife not to wear short skirts out of love or because you want her to do your bidding? Acting out of love will create situations where love can grow. Acting in fear or with a desire to control will only create a bigger mess.

We can’t exist without the other

We want freedom. But what about the freedom of a woman to stay at home and care for her children – is that really possible without a man? What about a man who wants to be able to dedicate his life to a career – can he really succeed without a woman to look after his needs? Or even vice versa.

We can’t get anywhere without love. Yes you want your freedom, but you can only be so free if all you care about is yourself. If you really want freedom, you’re going to have to sacrifice, irrespective of whether you are a man or a woman. Sometimes, that means letting your child have the last slice of pie. Sometimes it means sacrificing a career. Or a promotion. Or other desires. But when the sacrifice comes because YOU want to do it, and not because you are afraid of your spouse or the society, then you know that you have come of age.

Men and women aren’t that different. We are human beings first. And it will serve us well to remember that.

Leaving Footprints

March 19, 2015 Ashwita Comments 2 comments

One of the questions that seems to plague most of educated mankind today, is ‘what is the purpose of my life?’. I’ve often asked people what the world would be like, if every sweeper, every grocer, clerk, driver, or even every seed that ends up on your plate, every tree, asked this same question?

Life is so powerful, you have no choice but to live out your purpose. Sometimes a part of this purpose, can be feeling lost and purposeless. However, I came across a beautiful post the other day, where a man, Chris Moody, shared a personal story in this context.

They used to go camping as a family, during the holidays. They’d pull into a campsite in a trailer and usually stay a week.

Says he, “After parking and leveling the trailer, we would get out landscaping tools, make rain trenches, trim branches, pull weeds, and pick up every cigarette butt, candy wrapper, bread tie, etc., and get the campfires going. We enjoyed the campsite for all its glory, cleaning every day after supper. All 5 of us kids had a chore.

I hated chores…took away from bike riding, fishing, long walks…ugh! Hated chores!

On check-out day, after hooking em up but just before heading out, we cleaned up every soda can tab, candy wrapper, bread tie, etc., trimmed branches, pulled weeds, raked up the campsite.

One time, during my smartass punk teen days, I made the remark that we work too hard to clean up, why can’t we just leave it like this.

I remember my dad looking at me not believing I would ask such a question, he said to me that this place was here for everyone to enjoy. ‘Always leave it better than you found it.’

So, my fellow practitioners, let me ask you this. In your final hours, what will be the epitaph of your existence?“

Wow. What a beautiful lesson. Isn’t this really the purpose of every life? Every being apart from humans, leaves the world better than it found it. A seed becomes a tree, nourishing thousands of lives. Or it becomes food, nourishing at least one. Or it rots and becomes manure, helping another seed grow. Every bird, every animal, every insect leaves a little footprint, does it’s part to keep the world moving.

What can you do to add your bit? Well, what can be better than bringing more presence into the world? Bringing a little more love, a little more kindness and a little more joy? Why wait until the end of your life, do you leave everything and everyone that touches you, a little better than you found it?