One of the questions that came up in my 21 Days of Shadow Work journey was, “What would be the difference between caring about ourselves first and being selfish?”

Actually we’re being selfish when we’re not caring about ourselves, and not being honest.

For example if someone invited you to their wedding and you resent them, or are really not in the mood to go, but you go anyway- are you adding positivity or negativity to their environment? Are you being honest when you are pretending to enjoy yourself?

If someone asks you if they can drop in and you really aren’t in the space for this, you need time alone, and when they come you just drag and push yourself through the motions, have you been generous or just a plain liar?

If you value a relationship with someone, you’ll feel free to tell them how you feel. And if they value the relationship, they’ll value your honesty. But if you’re in transactional relationships, then it is a business deal, your well-being is of no importance and anything you do in your own interest is ‘selfish’ because it is not serving the other person.

Transactional relationships are the norm now a days, unfortunately. You can decide whether you want to fill your life with them – some do choose this, or you can decide whether you’re more interested in open, honest relationships based on love and care.