Zen: The Art of Nothing

There was this tiger cub that grew up in a flock of sheep. Life was not so great. While the other sheep were beautiful and white, this tiger had strange yellow and black colors. His voice was also so gruff, while his siblings had sweet voices. He was just never good enough, but now he was used to it. He had learned to accept the fact that he was different.

Until the day he ran into another Tiger, and fell in love. This tiger showed him an entirely new world. He took him to the river and showed him his reflection, made him see his true nature. And helped him realise that he wasn’t not-good-enough, he was just different.

But this opened up a whole new world – of confusion. How were tigers supposed to behave? He’d learned everything he knew from the sheep, and so far all he knew about tigers was that tigers were all-powerful, confident and dangerous. It felt good to know he was the most powerful being on earth and no one could touch him now. No more did he have to run away from the beasts – he WAS the beast!

He felt so good now, life was perfect. There were no more fears, no more running away, no more threat to his life, although he still sometimes caught himself preparing to run when he saw a wolf or a hunting dog. He found the little things that used to affect him when he was a sheep, didn’t affect him anymore now. He had risen above all those petty issues. He felt sorry for the sheep still stuck in the rut and tried to teach them how to act like a tiger.

Then the day came, when he got into a fight with the cheetah. He did it just for fun, because the cheetah mistakenly entered his territory. After all, he was all-powerful and nothing could touch him now. This cheetah had eaten some of his friends and it would be nice to teach it a lesson too. What he hadn’t anticipated was that he would lose the fight, and end up with deep wounds. This was not supposed to happen right? He was supposed to be powerful and mighty, he was not supposed to be defeated by the evil cheetah!

Thus ensued a long and painful time of self-doubt. Maybe he wasn’t a tiger after all. How could it be possible? Tigers were invincible. He clearly wasn’t. Therefore, he wasn’t a tiger. Everyone was wrong. He was just a pathetic ball of yellow and black fur. A good for nothing fellow who didn’t even know who he was.

Then, he discovered religion. Apparently he wasn’t alone. There were others out there, who had been through what he had been through, and they’d found respite in religion. There was a book that told them how they were supposed to behave. He learned he was a tiger after all, but he had to change his ways of life. There were rules about how a tiger was supposed to behave. A tiger was supposed to eat meat. It was supposed to hunt. Supposed to live alone. Supposed to take a nap at noon. He was finally learning how to be a tiger!

He felt so good now. He felt the same things he had felt before. He was powerful after all, he was invincible. He was a tiger! And now he was going to be a good tiger, he would know exactly how to be a good tiger now and no one could touch him again. He spent time with his religious friends and they showed him how to hunt, how to eat meat and how to do other tiger-things.

The excitement slowly started to fade and he started feeling lonely. He missed his sheep family. He missed the comfort of not having to look out for himself, and trusting the hunting dog or the fence for its safety. He wasn’t sure he liked all the things he was supposed to do as a tiger. Sometimes he broke the rules out of frustration. And then he would feel guilty and hate himself because he was clearly not interested in becoming a good tiger. He deserved to be punished for his actions. When he punished himself though, he didn’t necessarily feel better. Often, he felt worse, and again behaved in an un-tigerly fashion. And this got him into a nasty loop. Now he hated himself. He missed the days when he used to feel so good, and he was the perfect, all-powerful tiger. There was a time when nothing affected him, and now it was as if everything just made him feel more miserable.

Then he met another tiger, someone he started calling his guru. He liked this tiger because he was so calm and peaceful. He asked him how a tiger is supposed to behave. But the guru would not answer. Just be yourself, he said. Slowly he started to realise how many expectations he was carrying in his heart. His childhood was spent acting like a sheep. And the rest of his life, acting like a tiger. And also trying to resolve the conflict between the two personalities. And now his guru wouldn’t tell him which of the two behaviours was right. Just be yourself, he would say. How could he be himself? He didn’t know who he was because he was always doing what he was supposed to be doing!

He slowly started letting go of all the ‘supposed-to’s. Sometimes his behaviour was erratic, because he still hadn’t figured out who he was, and his religious friends thought he was a crazy sinner. But he held on. Eventually he let it all go. And he started to realise how easy it was to be a tiger. Things just came naturally. He realised that tigers weren’t all-powerful – it was a tough realisation, because it took all the comfort away, and he wondered what the point was, of being a tiger, if he wasn’t all powerful. But he started to realise that being a tiger had nothing to do with power. It was just a role. And he was no different, really, from the sheep. They were playing their role, he was playing his. And that was all.

When I initially started practicing deep listening, it was so I could be a better therapist. Little did I know it would help me so much more. So while my earlier article on deep listening focussed on how to listen to others, I update it now, with the best part – listening to oneself. Also with step-wise exercise to make it easier to practice.

Meditation is too commonly described as something to ‘do’. You create a quiet, sacred space, and hopefully spend a few minutes in silence and observation everyday. If you were in a noisy, crowded place, do you think it would still be possible to meditate? Yes, it would be.

Meditation is not about external silence, but internal silence. And that is what deep listening is all about – about meditating during communication.

Our lack of peace is seldom due to external noise. So much of the peace-eroding noise is completely internal, and this noise becomes glaringly evident in conversations. When someone is talking, do we ever really listen? We are half processing the information received, rapidly creating a response in our mind, waiting for an opportunity to interrupt the other person and voice our opinion.

An adult has an average attention span of about 22 seconds. Immediately after listening to someone talk, we usually recall only about half of what we’ve heard; within a few hours, only about 20 percent. We talk so much, but we never really listen! Conversations involve so much inner noise, which is why the state is completely opposite to the silence meditation requires.

Anybody who has been serious about being a good communicator, knows about what is called ‘full listening’. Full listening involves paying full attention to what the other person is saying. It involves giving the other person a chance to express himself fully, interrupting only to get a better understanding of what is being said. It may involve the listener summarizing at the end to check if he has understood properly. This kind of listening ensures a proper, healthy two-way communication where both parties can express their concerns and resolve an issue.

Deep listening takes this a couple of steps further. Initially, not only does it focus on the other person through the ears and the mind, but also by absorbing information in other subconscious ways. For example, your subconscious mind might pick up subtle changes in body language and help you understand what the person is really feeling versus what he is expressing.

One is able to listen without any distractions, interpretations, judgments, conclusions, or assumptions – merely an open, curious mind. Deep listening attempts to understand not just the message, but the person behind the words. Further practice of deep listening helps you understand your own feelings and responses to the other person’s views, thereby helping you regulate your behaviour and understand yourself better.

The Advantages
We cannot fix something we do not understand. As long as we are alien to what is really going on inside our own minds, it is very hard to fix it. Deep listening brings you in touch with your suppressed and hidden feelings and helps you sort yourself out.

Deep listening is a very powerful process not only for the listener but also for person who is being listened to. When we are centered and our mind is quiet, it allows us to read between the lines, to observe the choice of words, the body language, and most importantly, the emotion behind the words. We are not concerned about our opinions or views, but interested in understanding exactly what the other person is feeling. Deep listening involves a state so calm, that it is actually therapeutic to the person venting his or her feelings.

How do I practice this?
To make it easy, I recommend a step by step approach.
Step 1: 3-4 days
Practice not interrupting people. Most of us think we don’t interrupt people, but that is because we never notice it when we do. Ask people around you to point out if you interrupt them, and you’ll see how often you do it. When people are talking, let them finish before you voice your views.

Especially in the beginning, it would be a good idea to remind yourself to listen deeply before the start of a conversation. We could do this by asking the other person to sit down, or asking if we could get a cup of tea or coffee before starting to listen. As you wait for the coffee to fill up, or as you sit down, take a deep breath and focus on calming down. Bring your focus to your heart, and feel the silence.

Step 2: 7-8 days
Practice listening calmly with your full attention. Most conversations are not so significant and most of what we want to say isn’t really that important that it cannot be forgotten. When thoughts crop up, allow them to fade away, without creating a response in your head. If you are able to sense any feeling as the person talks, you might want to verify it with the other person, for example, by asking ‘Does that make you angry?’ Remove any judgments or conclusions that crop up in your mind and bring your focus back to your heart again. In the same coin, do not give any advice until the very end.

In the initial stages we tend to have views we want to express, and worry that we might forget them by the time the other is done talking. But if what you want to say is really relavant, you will remember it again. Let your thoughts fade away, and focus completely on the other person.

Step 3: Deep Listening
Deep listening does not only involve listening to others. It allows you to listen to yourself too, and to life in general. When the other talks, be completely aware of what you are feeling. Not only listen to them, but also be aware of what is going on inside you as the other person speaks.

Deep listening doesn’t stop merely at words, but extends to your thoughts. Even when you are thinking, ask yourself – what am I really feeling. When you find yourself getting frustrated for example, try focusing on what you are feeling, and not on what the other person is doing. This will increase your understanding of yourself, apart from helping you resolve your emotion faster.

For example, assume you are having a conversation with your friend about difficulties at his work. When he describes his situation, you find that you are very tempted to jump and offer advice. However, because of your previous practice of full listening, you curb this desire. At this point, stop and ask yourself – why do I feel the need to offer this advice? Maybe you will discover that you are uncomfortable with the idea of dealing with this situation yourself, and want to offer some advice so that your friend stops talking about it. This might help you discover some fears, which you can choose to work on later, again asking yourself what are you really afraid of, and then taking it deeper.

Additionally:
It also helps to keep a diary where you just write down your feelings. Not the events of the day, but what you feel. Mentally scan the day for any intense emotions, close your eyes and dwell on it for a while, feeling the emotion deeply, and then write about it, asking every few moments what you are really feeling. Write as you think. This method is really useful in resolving intense emotions quickly.

I came across this very interesting book that a friend was reading, and I found this chapter on guru very interesting. I think it is the most concise and beautiful way a guru-disciple relationship can be described. So here’s an extract from the Introductory chapter “The Art of the Guru” from the book “Death must die: A Western woman’s life long spiritual quest in India with Shree Anandamayee Ma” by Ram Alexander.

Although many seek the ‘consolation of religion’ in their lives and some have found solace in Eastern philosphy, yoga and spiritual teachers, not many have seriously embarked on an authentic guru-disciple relationship, which is fundamentally different. Inherent in this relationship is a particular structure and discipline that, like every art, demands a certain degree of talent and a strong commitment from the practitioner if it is to be perfected.

The Guru is a powerful aid to Self knowledge in which, it is considered, lies the ultimate truth of one’s existence. Each person’s way to his inner realisation is uniquely his own and thus there is little in the way of outer dogma on this path. But fundamental to this process of Self-discovery is the essential philosophical conviction that until and unless one directly experiences the knower as the known, all outer objects of knowledge (including God to the extent that he remains a dualistic concept) can only be less than authentic. This is not to say that devotion and surrender to God are excluded, but it is through an authentic experience of the all-pervading Divine as the essence of one’s individual being that one becomes initiated into an intense process of devotion to what alone IS. As we see with Atmananda’s training with Anandamayee Ma, she pursues both Self-knowledge as well as devotional surrender; and under the guidance of the Guru a number of devotional and yogic practices are given to facilitate this. As both Anandamayee Ma and Ramana Maharishi tell her, only when the Self is known can one truly know God, and vice versa.

That state which the Guru embodies and to which the disciple aspires is one of permanent transformation of his or her own ego structure in which a total cosmic integration occurs. In this is revealed both the ultimate humanism and the supreme individualism, in that all creation, all others, are experienced as having a fundamental integrity that is divine and in no way separate from oneself. In this state of sublime non-duality the experiencer is one with the experienced, such that the only possible response at any level of relationship is infinite love and compassion as all beings are experienced literally as oneself. To be in the presence of one who is established in this consciousness is to have this Reality awakened in oneself to some degree and this is clearly understood to be the truth of one’s essential nature and not something imposed from without. There is a fundamental authenticity about this experience, inherent in all that is most worthwhile in the human experiment that is totally beyond any external authority or belief system, although it is the source of all religion. When the Guru has finally succeeded in his job of awakening the disciple, he ceases to exist as ‘another’ and thus there can be no question of dependence or servitude of the disciple, although he will always feel overwelhming gratitude to his teacher for revealing the way.

The Guru guides those prepared to make this journey beyond death by holding up a mirror that uncompromisingly reveals one’s desperate clinging to the circular patterns of the ego-cherishing, and simultaneously reveals the individual’s true Self in which the lie of the false ego and one’s fearful clinging are dissolved. To be sure, not all gurus, or would-be gurus, are equally qualified and a great guru can achieve with a glance, or the withholding of one, what a lesser guru does with hours of haranguing the indolent or rebellious disciple. This relationship is a process that is fundamentally beyond words and the ‘teachings’ of a great Master can never be understood only from his recorded sayings. This explains why sacred books and scriptures are often so woefully misinterpreted and taken out of the context in which they were originally expounded, once the Master is no longer. The transformative presence of a living Guru is by definition a great threat to the status quo of the ego, whereas the written words of a deceased teacher can easily be turned into another prop with which one can feel spiritually safe.

A mature psychological balance and a well developed sense of morality and integrity are essential for the prospective disciple, without which he cannot possibly make significant progress in this endeavour. For the ethically and psychologically unprepared, to attempt to practice serious esoteric disciplines can often produce disasterous results. It is particularly for this that substantial association with the Guru is important so that he can closely observe the disciple and discern exactly what he may require and what he is able to absorb at each stage of his spiritual evolution.

To be in the presence of the Guru is, for the committed disciple, to be in the presence of God, which is to say that the profoundly magnetic spiritual presence of the Guru activates the spiritual centre within the disciple making him aware of the transcendent divinity within himself and all others in a much more intense way than he could normally do on his own.

The disciple utilizes this intensity to develop and deepen his meditation and to help him to clearly discriminate between right and wrong action – to see clearly the unceasing tricks of the ego as it desperately fights for its survival. Whatever heightens this inner state of transcendent awareness is seen as good and desirable, and whatever detracts is to be avoided. In this way a clear path of action opens out. Here also frequent contact with the Master is very helpful in intensifying and clarifying the this process of discrimination in which one is attempting to ‘bring down’ and ‘stabilize’ a more fundamentally subtle level of awareness. It is particularly to protect and effect this all important subtle energy transformation that the serious aspirant needs to live (for some time atleast) in a controlled and isolated environment – ideally the Guru’s ashram- in order to maintain proper ‘laboratory conditions’ in which to protect his work.

Obviously a passionate commitment and effort on part of the disciple are essential and this is invariably the result of he or she fully comprehending that the perfection of this self-transformative process art is ultimate – indeed the sole – purpose of their existence. Thus, far from being an escape from life, the disciple is convinced that only in doing this spiritual work is he taking full responsibility for his existence in that of the world. Again, this has absolutely nothing to do with any belief system or organised doctrine imposed from without; which is not to say that there is not a structure and method which is revealed through the mystical process of the Guru-disciple relationship- a relationship that is inherently beyond others until all ‘others’ have become precisely ‘That’.

Ofcourse, it is understood that the Guru is only an outer manifestation of one’s innermost Self, the in-dwelling Divinity within all, to which everyone has his own unique access. However, except for the rare phenomenon of the born saint or avatar, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to remain on the path of illumination, referred to in the Upanishads as the ‘razor’s edge’, without the guidance of one who can shed light on the way. In any case, only can only begin from where one is at the moment, working with the inner Guru until, as it is said, ‘When the disciple is ready, the Guru will appear’. Although a great Master may give his blessings to many, there are few whom he or she would consider qualified to seriously embark on this path and such a disciple is severely tested before being accepted. This is the ancient time-honoured Guru tradition of India.

Many people come to me for help, because they want to find out their purpose in life. These are perfectly normal people, with good health, good families, good financial statuses, and good jobs. But something is missing. Something to live for.

And like I do for everything we explore, I ask them the same question – ‘Why?’.

If you’re one of those feeling lost and trying to explore the purpose of your life, I’d like you to ask the same question to yourself. ‘Why do I need a purpose to live?’. I know it may sound quite ridiculous to be asked that question. The most common answer I get is that they want to be able to make a difference to people’s lives, and not waste their time on a meaningless job.

It seems quite legitimate to want and need a purpose to live. Is it really? Just look at the one generation above us – our parents. Most of this generation spent their lives working in a monotonous job, possibly as a clerk in a bank, working 9 to 5, having the same routine every single day for 3 or 4 decades. When they never needed a purpose of life, why do we?

Much as we’d like to believe that we’re generation ‘Next’, and ahead of our ancestors, I beg to differ. These were people totally content with their lives. They lived in a small house, possibly a rented one, had cheap furniture, clothes bought from the roadside vendors, a small two-wheeler for a family of four and a monotonous 9 to 5 clerical job. Most people in our generation own a house by the time they are 30, have an interior designer furnish it, buy expensive branded clothes and shoes, drive around in expensive cars, have challenging jobs that consume all their time – and surprise! They are still not satisfied with their lives.

I believe that the success and progress of a generation is not measured by how much they have and how much they want, but by how much happier and content they are. Are we really better than the previous generation? What is the difference?

The difference can be summed in just one very small word. EGO. Yes, thats all. The previous generation lived as a society, followed its rules, and if you were in India, married people chosen by their parents and had no problem with that. This generation is individualistic, doesn’t care what others think, focusses on looking good, rich and successful, and doesn’t care what inner realities are. We cannot be insignificant, we MUST make a mark. This is why we have to have style in everything we do, this is why we don’t mind paying more than double the money to buy clothes that have a stamp on them, and take loans to buy expensive things we clearly cannot afford at present – because we want to feel that we are different from others, better, smarter.

Therefore, being stuck in a seemingly meaningless job drives us crazy with desire to ‘be’ something. I say seemingly meaningless because no job is truly meaningless. Everybody has a role in the society, and everyone’s work is important. It seems that our work is useless when we don’t see the results, and don’t get any adulation. And that is when we start hunting for a purpose to live. In effect, we are just looking for appreciation and rewards for our actions.

So if you are asking the universe everyday why it is not showing you the purpose of your life, think again. What is it you are really looking for? Every minute, every second of our lives is spent in progressing towards the ‘purpose’ of this life. If you were destined to be a singer, but you were an engineer for 5 years, that period greatly adds to your wisdom and progress in many ways, both directly and indirectly. When you are ready, you will automatically head towards your ‘purpose of life’, if you have one, in the first place. And every other moment until then is important because it is making you ready for it.

The real purpose of our life is to grow, and to be a better person today than yesterday. If you are working on that, you are already working at great speed toward the purpose of your life, and you don’t need an ego-satisfying role to get there. If you’re really keen to start making a difference to people’s lives, start with the adage ‘Charity begins at home’.

Focus on helping the people closest to you, and starting with having faith in their abilities and wisdom. Respect them, their personal space and their needs. Focus on becoming the best version of you there can be. When you are truly capable of helping others, you do not need to change jobs or locations, help will happen naturally to everyone around you, without effort. Colleagues, friends and even strangers will automatically approach you for help, and you will be able to help them without even trying

Fads are such a part of the society today. Fashion fads, diet fads, even toy fads… and now I see a new thing around me – spiritual fads.

Why are we spiritual? Some of us turn to spirituality for solace from the problems of life, some others to make easy money, yet others for a wide variety of reasons I cannot probably begin to list.

There are two of these reasons I’d like to list here though. Some people are spiritual out of a genuine interest, a genuine desire to transcend and merge with the universal consciousness. Most others, although they’d like to believe that they belong to this category too, are actually ‘spiritual’ because of the highs it brings with it. It is usually rare for the second category to ditch the ego massage and join the first category, but unfortunately, it is very easy for those in the first category to join the second.

The spiritual path is a long and winding one and it is so easy to get lost. Even easier, when one’s companions are lost too, and swear to you about the beauty of the road they have taken. The most beautiful roads are not necessarily the right ones. Sometimes it is the ugliest, most boring, barren route that’ll get you to your destination.

So how do people go astray anyway? I’ve been seeing quite a few examples around me lately. We get attracted to this path due to various reasons. Some of us have an inner calling right from birth, some of us discover it in the quest of solving a life problem – but we all start somewhere. But one route is always so boring, so wants to explore other options. After all, how will we know that we have made the right choice if we don’t look at the other ptions?

Reiki, gets so boring after a while. Every path is, infact, very boring after a point so I’ve been told. After the initial kick starts to wear off, we start getting restless. The excitement that was there in the beginning has faded, and while this means that we’re supposed to get serious about the route now, we’ve gotten addicted to the excitement – we want more. And so we go, jumping from one method to another, chasing the excitement, chasing the power.

Spiritual growth brings with it a variety of powers, a variety of perceptive abilities. You might suddenly find that you are able to read others’ thoughts. Or see their auras and predict their health and energy patterns. Or more! These are rewards that are bestowed on you on the path, or maybe you could also consider them tests to see whether you are still going to stick to the path or get stuck with the new gift. But things aren’t even that simple today. Today instead of being ‘gifts’ these abilities can be learned. What a pity.

WHY?

This is a question I ask my students to ask themselves, when they come up to me with new requests. Someone wants to learn crystal healing. Someone else wants to learn astral travel. I’ve been asked for more – teach me to use the pendulum, teach me to talk to my angels, oh and to others’ angels too… it never stops!

Or maybe it does, with a simple question – WHY? Why do you want to learn these things?

When you start going deep within, you start to realise, no, this isn’t really part of my spiritual progress. I want to believe that it is part of my spiritual progress because I really want that extra power. I want to feel more powerful, I want to be able to find out people’s secrets, I want to feel superior to others. If you’re thinking no, thats not the reason, I want to learn it because I want to help people, think again. No one really helps anyone else. If you have a strong desire to ‘help’ others, it is nothing but the subtle ego talking – you need a deeper analysis.

Yes, it helps to be able to communicate with your angels, one must learn to do that if one gets the chance, because its like getting direct access to your astral gurus. But things like ‘stronger’ methods of healing, or finding out more about others, whether through aura scanning or other techniques, are in my view nothing but a major detour from the path of spiritual progress, if not a totally wrong direction. I have nothing against these systems – professional healers might use it if they are directed by the forces to do so. But pray tell me, what use is this to a layman except for ego massage?

The most evident, and yet the most hidden aspect of true spiritual growth is a simple one – hard work. When you’re on the right track, things start to become boring, and then they become worse – because past karmas then start to surface and one experiences apparently meaningless suffering. This is when we need to grin and bear it, and just let go. Don’t run around in circles in the quest of removing something that is actually a removal itself – a removal of the mess left behind by your past.

Let us promise ourselves that we’ll stay focussed on the goal. The sweetmeats on the way are of no relavance. Enjoy it while it lasts, and then forget about it and focus on the next step. Annihilation of the ego. Merging with the universe.
Aham Brahmasmi.

Who am I? What am I here for?

We know already, that spiritual progress usually starts with asking questions which do not seem to have easy or clear answers. Questions, for which we seek answers by running pillar to post, asking people whom we think to be wise or great. But does it work?

I recently interacted with someone who directed me to some ashram, along with the words ‘Salvation is not possible without a guru’. This is the saddest misconception in spirituality. I know many who have been searching for a guru for so long, that they have ultimately forgotten what they’re really here to find – bliss.

The concept of ‘guru’ has been twisted and turned by selfish teachers so that their followers stick on. What really is a GURU? One who teaches. Why does this person have to be someone with the knowledge of the vedas alone? Or someone who has attained salvation? That is like saying that the only possible teacher in the world is one with PhD and even 5 year olds must learn only from them. Does it really work that way? No.

Focus not on finding a guru, but on finding a shishya (student) in you. Be a good student, and the lessons will come automatically. You have a teacher in everything around you, living and non-living. When Newton was ready, it just took an apple to teach him about gravity. Be ready to learn from everyone that comes your way, whether elder or younger, friend or enemy.

Be an Observer

A good student observes, and this is the true essence of spirituality. One learns about the universe by looking within. Observe, watch yourself. Maintain your awareness at all times, and watch how you behave, react, and think. Observe others too.

Observation helps you pass a lot more information to your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is a lot better than the conscious, at discovering patterns and at decoding and understanding the information as a whole. When you become a keen observer, you will find that your understanding of the people and the world at large suddenly gets a boost, and you won’t really know why.

When you’re observing and not thinking, your subconscious mind kicks into gear and you’re likely to receive more information – stuff that your subconscious mind has been processing. The subconscious has access to a lot more information than the conscious, and allowing it to process the data you pick up in day to day life is more beneficial. As a result, you will have more ‘gut’ feelings about people and events, feelings that will come to you more easily when you’re thinking less.

Observing is also the essence of meditation, so when you observe without thinking, you are actually meditating with your eyes open. We have such a long way to go, and so much to learn, why waste time? Start right away, watch yourself. What are you feeling, what are you thinking… right now?

Imagine this:
You wake up one morning, only to find yourself in another body. Maybe even the opposite gender. You walk out into the streets, only to meet ‘you’, walking around, doing exactly the things you do, as if the absence of your consciousness has made no difference whatsoever. How will you feel?

And how will you feel that all of a sudden in ‘this’ body, you don’t like the things you used to, your height is different, you tend to dress differently. What if everything you knew about yourself was now different?

I know its never going to happen. But this simple exercise gives you an idea of what things you tend to attach to yourself as your ‘identity’.

What do you consider your identity? Is it the way you dress? Or your best qualities? Or your addictions? Or those million little things about yourself that you forget at large, but are so used to?

I’ve heard the phrase ‘don’t want to lose my identity’ very often when people talk about marriage. Thats probably ok, provided it doesn’t miss out on progressive growth.

But what if our ‘identity’ is preventing our progress? There are certain things we believe about ourselves.
‘I never cook’
‘I can’t stand up for myself’
‘I always misbehave with that person’

No! It doesn’t always have to be that way! When we need to change a long-standing behavioral pattern, there is always a resistance. Subconsciously we’re thinking ‘If I change this attitude, then I won’t be me anymore’ and it is accompanied by the fear of being a different person. Is it really worth holding on to your negative traits, just so you can remain ‘you’?

As the sages say, the biggest hindrance in your progress is your ego. The ‘I’ factor. The person that you think you are. Let go. You are not your qualities, they are just there to serve you – so pick only the best!

In a workshop I recently attended, Prof. Jacob Raju posed a very interesting question to us.

“When you think of the past, the feelings you go through, might be joy, sorrow, regret, remorse, anger, frustration or hatred. And when you think of the future, you might feel secure, insecure, anxious, worried, afraid or pensive. But,” he said, “can you tell me what the emotions of the present are?”

We tried to answer, but inevitably, every emotion we came up with could be attributed to a near or distant past or future related emotion. He then explained. “Any negative emotions you go through, happen when you are living in the past or the future. When you stay in the present, you become relaxed, fully alert, and perform better”

What a magnificient statement. And how true. I guess meditation is also just that – living in the present, which is why many insist we should meditate frequently – so that we spend atleast SOME moments per day, living in the present.

And it is this living in the present which is so pleasureable, so blissful, that makes people run after various things in life. Take a man who loves bungee jumping, for example. During that free fall, all the senses are numbed, and he can think of nothing but the fall – his moments in the present. Which is why he finds it so pleasureable. The same goes for all adventure lovers.

But, people who tend to live in the future will find such things abhorrent, since they would constantly worry about what might go wrong in the next few moments, whether they would die or injure themselves. They are happier watching a horror show on television – something that has all their senses in the present, and leaves them no room for thoughts of anything else.

Then there are workaholics, who don’t think of anything else while they work, which is why they think work must be bliss. Others like to eat. When one smells, views and tastes great food, it involves all the senses in the present, and for some amount of time, the mind has no room for any other thoughts. Bliss again.

Unfortunately, all of us turn towards our favourite activity to keep us in the present for a few lucky moments, many never realising that it wasn’t about the activity at all. It was always about staying in the present. So why not start staying the present consciously, without having to depend on any activity? Wouldn’t that be so much better, quicker path to happiness?

So how does one stay in the present?
What does one do, when one is plagued by the sorrow of the past or the anxiety of the future? The solution, again from Prof. Jacob Raju, is simple. Our mind has the capacity to multitask between 5 to 9 tasks simultaneously. That is why when we sit to meditate, we are concentrating on one thing, and at the same time thinking about breakfasts or boyfriends. The problem is, we aren’t concentrating on enough things.

When you find your mind multi-tasking to think about painful moments, focus. Watch your surroundings carefully, keeping your eyes busy. And then, start focussing on the sounds around you – while making sure you concentrate on what you’re seeing too. And then start observing your breath. All at the same time. Watch, listen, observe. Relax. And then close your eyes and concentrate on the top of your head. And let the feeling sink… in…