A Thought for Food

A Thought for Food

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Spare a moment for the molecules that’ll construct the future you

When I was in school, if a student admitted she had forgotten to do her homework, the teacher’s response was almost predictable: “When you didn’t forget to eat, how did you forget your homework?”

I always found it amusing, since I did forget to eat sometimes and I wondered if that give me the permission to forget my homework. There are those who forget, and there are those who wait for mealtimes, but I’m sure both categories agree that food is important.

And while we all agree that food is a very important aspect of our lives, I think it is also the most abused. What concerns me more is that most of those who do want to regulate their food, either quantity or quality-wise, want to do it for regulating their weight. How many of us do it out of respect for our body?

Food is important, yes. But what is the importance of food in our lives? What is the real role it is playing? No, it is not merely to give us more energy. It is not merely to give us better health. Every cell in your body comes from food. It is the food you eat that is processed and eventually formed into cells that make up your body and the vibrations these cells carry influence your thoughts and attitude. So when you are eating, you are effectively eating the future you.

Everything has vibrations. And food carries the vibration it is exposed to. The thoughts that the farmer thought when he was growing the food influence it. The thoughts and words of the middlemen who brought the vegetables to the shop influence it. And the thoughts and words of the shop keeper or the vendor influence it. And if you are eating out, then the thoughts and words of the cook and waiter influence it.

Imagine a situation where the farmer was contemplating suicide due to his inability to pay back the loans, the middle-men were busy cheating the farmer and the vendor, the vendor was cursing the buyer for bargaining, and the cook had a fight with his wife or was upset about not getting a raise. What are you feeding yourself? Is this the vibration you want to have tomorrow?

Many of us experience an identity crisis a few years after we leave home. We were fortunate to belong to a generation which mostly ate home-cooked food, so for years we ate food cooked by our mothers with tender and loving care, care that influenced the vibrations of the food. And then we left home, started eating out, thereby changing the input to our systems. Is it a wonder we changed?

So how do we fix this? We respect our food. The next time you seek out that extra-cheese, over-salted, refined flour pizza created by people whose sole motivation was to make money, remind yourself that this is what is going to make the ‘you’ tomorrow.

An ideal situation would have been where we could have grown our own food with love, plucked them with love, chopped, cooked and served them with love. Not very practical, unfortunately. The least we can do is pray and express gratitude to the food – gratitude has been shown to alter water at a molecular level. If you want to be a more loving person tomorrow, eat the food with a focus on love. Want to be more happy, efficient or healthy? Just feel it as you eat it and usher in a whole new you!

Of Duality and Lessons

Of Duality and Lessons

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As I sipped on my cucumber juice, chatting up with two very wise people at a cafe in Tiru, we watched a bunch of foreigners smoke.  I was perplexed.

“Wouldn’t a spiritual aspirant at least first aim to get rid of addictions before seeking higher levels?” I asked.

“None of this is real anyway”, my friend winked at me, and then added “Ram says that Swami Chinmayananda used to smoke too, and eat crappy food… He had 3 bypass surgeries.”

We were just back from a very intense talk by Ramji, who had strongly suggested that so many things we do, including praying, are not going to lead to enlightenment. “Must we stop doing them then?” someone asked. “No. As long as you’re still stuck in this duality, you’ve got to follow it’s rules.”

Isn’t this exactly where so many of us get stuck? Some wise person says or does something and we blindly believe or follow it, unaware that it isn’t relevant to us at all. We’ve got to know and follow our personal truths first.

Swami Chinmayananda, for instance, ate unhealthy food all the time, because he liked it. He knew first hand, that none of this was real anyway. He also knew that the pain and the surgeries weren’t real. Do you?

This is somewhat akin to a high school student declaring that he wouldn’t ever use history as he aims to be a scientist, so studying it would be a waste of time. Now this attitude would affect his grades and in the very least, make it harder for him to become a scientist.

Are you failing any history tests in life?

The Sheepish Tiger

The Sheepish Tiger

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There was this tiger cub that grew up in a flock of sheep. Life was not so great. While the other sheep were beautiful and white, this tiger had strange yellow and black colors. His voice was also so gruff, while his siblings had sweet voices. He was just never good enough, but now he was used to it. He had learned to accept the fact that he was different.

Until the day he ran into another Tiger, and fell in love. This tiger showed him an entirely new world. He took him to the river and showed him his reflection, made him see his true nature. And helped him realise that he wasn’t not-good-enough, he was just different.

But this opened up a whole new world – of confusion. How were tigers supposed to behave? He’d learned everything he knew from the sheep, and so far all he knew about tigers was that tigers were all-powerful, confident and dangerous. It felt good to know he was the most powerful being on earth and no one could touch him now. No more did he have to run away from the beasts – he WAS the beast!

He felt so good now, life was perfect. There were no more fears, no more running away, no more threat to his life, although he still sometimes caught himself preparing to run when he saw a wolf or a hunting dog. He found the little things that used to affect him when he was a sheep, didn’t affect him anymore now. He had risen above all those petty issues. He felt sorry for the sheep still stuck in the rut and tried to teach them how to act like a tiger.

Then the day came, when he got into a fight with the cheetah. He did it just for fun, because the cheetah mistakenly entered his territory. After all, he was all-powerful and nothing could touch him now. This cheetah had eaten some of his friends and it would be nice to teach it a lesson too. What he hadn’t anticipated was that he would lose the fight, and end up with deep wounds. This was not supposed to happen right? He was supposed to be powerful and mighty, he was not supposed to be defeated by the evil cheetah!

Thus ensued a long and painful time of self-doubt. Maybe he wasn’t a tiger after all. How could it be possible? Tigers were invincible. He clearly wasn’t. Therefore, he wasn’t a tiger. Everyone was wrong. He was just a pathetic ball of yellow and black fur. A good for nothing fellow who didn’t even know who he was.

Then, he discovered religion. Apparently he wasn’t alone. There were others out there, who had been through what he had been through, and they’d found respite in religion. There was a book that told them how they were supposed to behave. He learned he was a tiger after all, but he had to change his ways of life. There were rules about how a tiger was supposed to behave. A tiger was supposed to eat meat. It was supposed to hunt. Supposed to live alone. Supposed to take a nap at noon. He was finally learning how to be a tiger!

He felt so good now. He felt the same things he had felt before. He was powerful after all, he was invincible. He was a tiger! And now he was going to be a good tiger, he would know exactly how to be a good tiger now and no one could touch him again. He spent time with his religious friends and they showed him how to hunt, how to eat meat and how to do other tiger-things.

The excitement slowly started to fade and he started feeling lonely. He missed his sheep family. He missed the comfort of not having to look out for himself, and trusting the hunting dog or the fence for its safety. He wasn’t sure he liked all the things he was supposed to do as a tiger. Sometimes he broke the rules out of frustration. And then he would feel guilty and hate himself because he was clearly not interested in becoming a good tiger. He deserved to be punished for his actions. When he punished himself though, he didn’t necessarily feel better. Often, he felt worse, and again behaved in an un-tigerly fashion. And this got him into a nasty loop. Now he hated himself. He missed the days when he used to feel so good, and he was the perfect, all-powerful tiger. There was a time when nothing affected him, and now it was as if everything just made him feel more miserable.

Then he met another tiger, someone he started calling his guru. He liked this tiger because he was so calm and peaceful. He asked him how a tiger is supposed to behave. But the guru would not answer. Just be yourself, he said. Slowly he started to realise how many expectations he was carrying in his heart. His childhood was spent acting like a sheep. And the rest of his life, acting like a tiger. And also trying to resolve the conflict between the two personalities. And now his guru wouldn’t tell him which of the two behaviours was right. Just be yourself, he would say. How could he be himself? He didn’t know who he was because he was always doing what he was supposed to be doing!

He slowly started letting go of all the ‘supposed-to’s. Sometimes his behaviour was erratic, because he still hadn’t figured out who he was, and his religious friends thought he was a crazy sinner. But he held on. Eventually he let it all go. And he started to realise how easy it was to be a tiger. Things just came naturally. He realised that tigers weren’t all-powerful – it was a tough realisation, because it took all the comfort away, and he wondered what the point was, of being a tiger, if he wasn’t all powerful. But he started to realise that being a tiger had nothing to do with power. It was just a role. And he was no different, really, from the sheep. They were playing their role, he was playing his. And that was all.

Deep Listening

Deep Listening

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When I initially started practicing deep listening, it was so I could be a better therapist. Little did I know it would help me so much more. So while my earlier article on deep listening focussed on how to listen to others, I update it now, with the best part – listening to oneself. Also with step-wise exercise to make it easier to practice.

Meditation is too commonly described as something to ‘do’. You create a quiet, sacred space, and hopefully spend a few minutes in silence and observation everyday. If you were in a noisy, crowded place, do you think it would still be possible to meditate? Yes, it would be.

Meditation is not about external silence, but internal silence. And that is what deep listening is all about – about meditating during communication.

Our lack of peace is seldom due to external noise. So much of the peace-eroding noise is completely internal, and this noise becomes glaringly evident in conversations. When someone is talking, do we ever really listen? We are half processing the information received, rapidly creating a response in our mind, waiting for an opportunity to interrupt the other person and voice our opinion.

An adult has an average attention span of about 22 seconds. Immediately after listening to someone talk, we usually recall only about half of what we’ve heard; within a few hours, only about 20 percent. We talk so much, but we never really listen! Conversations involve so much inner noise, which is why the state is completely opposite to the silence meditation requires.

Anybody who has been serious about being a good communicator, knows about what is called ‘full listening’. Full listening involves paying full attention to what the other person is saying. It involves giving the other person a chance to express himself fully, interrupting only to get a better understanding of what is being said. It may involve the listener summarizing at the end to check if he has understood properly. This kind of listening ensures a proper, healthy two-way communication where both parties can express their concerns and resolve an issue.

Deep listening takes this a couple of steps further. Initially, not only does it focus on the other person through the ears and the mind, but also by absorbing information in other subconscious ways. For example, your subconscious mind might pick up subtle changes in body language and help you understand what the person is really feeling versus what he is expressing.

One is able to listen without any distractions, interpretations, judgments, conclusions, or assumptions – merely an open, curious mind. Deep listening attempts to understand not just the message, but the person behind the words. Further practice of deep listening helps you understand your own feelings and responses to the other person’s views, thereby helping you regulate your behaviour and understand yourself better.

The Advantages
We cannot fix something we do not understand. As long as we are alien to what is really going on inside our own minds, it is very hard to fix it. Deep listening brings you in touch with your suppressed and hidden feelings and helps you sort yourself out.

Deep listening is a very powerful process not only for the listener but also for person who is being listened to. When we are centered and our mind is quiet, it allows us to read between the lines, to observe the choice of words, the body language, and most importantly, the emotion behind the words. We are not concerned about our opinions or views, but interested in understanding exactly what the other person is feeling. Deep listening involves a state so calm, that it is actually therapeutic to the person venting his or her feelings.

How do I practice this?
To make it easy, I recommend a step by step approach.
Step 1: 3-4 days
Practice not interrupting people. Most of us think we don’t interrupt people, but that is because we never notice it when we do. Ask people around you to point out if you interrupt them, and you’ll see how often you do it. When people are talking, let them finish before you voice your views.

Especially in the beginning, it would be a good idea to remind yourself to listen deeply before the start of a conversation. We could do this by asking the other person to sit down, or asking if we could get a cup of tea or coffee before starting to listen. As you wait for the coffee to fill up, or as you sit down, take a deep breath and focus on calming down. Bring your focus to your heart, and feel the silence.

Step 2: 7-8 days
Practice listening calmly with your full attention. Most conversations are not so significant and most of what we want to say isn’t really that important that it cannot be forgotten. When thoughts crop up, allow them to fade away, without creating a response in your head. If you are able to sense any feeling as the person talks, you might want to verify it with the other person, for example, by asking ‘Does that make you angry?’ Remove any judgments or conclusions that crop up in your mind and bring your focus back to your heart again. In the same coin, do not give any advice until the very end.

In the initial stages we tend to have views we want to express, and worry that we might forget them by the time the other is done talking. But if what you want to say is really relavant, you will remember it again. Let your thoughts fade away, and focus completely on the other person.

Step 3: Deep Listening
Deep listening does not only involve listening to others. It allows you to listen to yourself too, and to life in general. When the other talks, be completely aware of what you are feeling. Not only listen to them, but also be aware of what is going on inside you as the other person speaks.

Deep listening doesn’t stop merely at words, but extends to your thoughts. Even when you are thinking, ask yourself – what am I really feeling. When you find yourself getting frustrated for example, try focusing on what you are feeling, and not on what the other person is doing. This will increase your understanding of yourself, apart from helping you resolve your emotion faster.

For example, assume you are having a conversation with your friend about difficulties at his work. When he describes his situation, you find that you are very tempted to jump and offer advice. However, because of your previous practice of full listening, you curb this desire. At this point, stop and ask yourself – why do I feel the need to offer this advice? Maybe you will discover that you are uncomfortable with the idea of dealing with this situation yourself, and want to offer some advice so that your friend stops talking about it. This might help you discover some fears, which you can choose to work on later, again asking yourself what are you really afraid of, and then taking it deeper.

Additionally:
It also helps to keep a diary where you just write down your feelings. Not the events of the day, but what you feel. Mentally scan the day for any intense emotions, close your eyes and dwell on it for a while, feeling the emotion deeply, and then write about it, asking every few moments what you are really feeling. Write as you think. This method is really useful in resolving intense emotions quickly.

A Journey Called Life

A Journey Called Life

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He opened his eyes to a brand new world
And when the enchantment faded
He trembled in sorrow and fear,
For, his future seemed so jaded

What did he know, how would he survive,
These worries plagued his life
But then he started to learn and grow
And hard work resolved his strife

The worries gone he saw again, the world in a different light
And discovered pleasures of the senses, so much to his delight
Food, sex, intoxication now filled all his days
Until his failing health made him mend his ways

Now what, he wondered as he started to discover
The world seemed new again when his passions took over
No, it wasn’t crack or weed that now gave him the high
Money, power, success gave him a place in the sky

The ecstasy unfortunately, only lasted a while
For when he looked around now, he couldn’t find love for miles
So after he had everything that money could possibly buy
He thought only love could fill the emptiness inside

He paid cash before, and now he paid in kind
He thought he could buy the first love he could find
Alas, love cannot be bought, no matter what the token
And after all, promises and hearts are meant to be broken

Crushed, defeated, he cried many days in pain
Until it overflowed, through poetry, prose and paint
In his sorrow he danced, he sang, till it started to fade
And he started to find joy pulling him out of the shade

Slowly he started to experience the ecstasy in full swing
The same high that food, money and love promised to bring
Now his journey had begun, and he started to realise
It wasn’t the brush or the songs that brought him the highs

No, it happened when he got in touch with that spark inside
Strangely going inwards, only made his horizons so wide
Inside, he discovered a whole new world,
So many pains, fears, wounds and feelings unfurled

And he healed, and grew, as the dirt got washed away
The mirror of his soul, was now as clear as day
He knew now it wasn’t outside, that true bliss lay
God was inside in his every cell, not far, far away.

Some Day

Some Day

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Some day I’ll see I have wings
Some day, I’ll be surprised I can fly
Some day I’ll see, that I could always
Have soared, high up in the sky

Yes, some day I’ll realise
I can be happy if I wanted
Some day I’ll free myself of
Everything that has me haunted

Yes, some day I’ll stop crying
Some day I’ll look up at the sky
Open up those enormous wings
Some day, yes, I’ll take that flight

I’ll feel the wind in my wings
And I’ll ask myself why
Why didn’t I see this before?
Why have I, to myself this denied?

Some day I’ll let myself be happy
Some day I’ll let myself be strong
Some day I’ll let myself be
Everything I’ve been, all along

Some day I’ll choose
To let go of all those fears
Holding me back,
Drowning me in these tears

Yes, some day I’ll let myself smile
Bright enough to light up the days
Some day I’ll let myself dance
As I walk along life’s beautiful ways

Some day I’ll love every part of me
And I’ll love freely too, some day.
And some day I’ll finally realise
That that some day, can be today

Feeling Appreciated

Feeling Appreciated

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I found this article somewhere, and loved it, just reproducing it over here for anyone who needs to read this 🙂

By Dr. Margaret Paul

Do you frequently feel that you do so much for others, yet end up feeling unappreciated by others?

Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, “No one appreciates me.”

I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful – until I learned how to take loving care of myself and appreciate myself.

I encountered this recently with Jayden, a young man who consulted with me after his girlfriend left him and he got fired from his job as a construction worker. An alcoholic who had stopped drinking last year, he was back to drinking.

“I gave so much to my girlfriend and worked so hard at the job. I don’t understand this. No one ever appreciates me,” he said with a resentful whine in his voice. Jayden was obviously feeling like a victim of his girlfriend and his boss.

“Are you saying that your girlfriend and your boss never offered you praise or compliments?”

“Well, yes they did, but I still feel unappreci! ated, because she left and he fired me.”

“Were you able to take in their praise and compliments?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jayden, did their praise and compliments make you feel good inside, or did you just slough them off?”

“I mostly sloughed them off because I didn’t think they meant it, and I was right. If they would have meant it, she wouldn’t have left and he wouldn’t have fired me.”

“Is it possible that they fired you because of your attitude? You seem very angry and you are acting like a victim – as if they are responsible for your feelings instead of you taking responsibility. Do you ever appreciate yourself?”

Silence.

“Jayden, do you ever appreciate yourself?”

“No. I don’t like myself.”

“So you try to please everyone to get them to approve of you, but when they do you don’t believe them because you don’t think you are good enough. Then you feel angry and resentful because you don’t feel appreciated. It’s m! y guess that your girlfriend left and your boss fired you because of y our anger and resentment. Your closed, blaming, angry energy is tough to be around. Until you are willing to learn how to take loving care of yourself and value yourself, you will likely continue to have these problems. Are you willing to learn to do this?”

Jayden indicated that he was. Here is what I suggested he practice:

“Start paying attention to your feelings, and whenever you feel angry or resentful, notice what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings. I know you believe these feelings are being caused by others, but this is not true. They are being caused by your own self-abandonment: giving yourself up to please others; judging yourself; turning to alcohol to numb your feelings rather than taking responsibility for them; and blaming others for your feelings.

“Imagine that you have an older, wiser self whom you can turn to for the truth. We have all been programmed with hundreds of false beliefs ab! out ourselves, others and the world, and these lies cause us much pain. When you become aware of one of these lies, such as ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘No one ever appreciates me,’ imagine your older wiser self and ask ‘What is the truth?’ and ‘What is the loving action toward myself?’ As you learn to appreciate yourself and treat yourself better, you will find your anger going away.

“Are you willing to start to practice this?”

“Yes, I am.”

Jayden did practice and within a few months, he and his girlfriend re-united. She was able to tell him how much she loves him and how heartbroken she felt whenever he blamed her for his feelings. By learning to take responsibility for his own feelings and appreciate himself, he was surprised to discover that he now felt appreciated by her.

Healing Yourself

Healing Yourself

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healing

All roads lead to Rome. Anyone looking for God, eventually realises that there is nothing to search for, and that everything is inside.

Healing, too. One may take help from others, but eventually only one person can heal you – you.

My previous article on Healing Space was just a starter – I was exploring something new, I’m still learning. And as I learn, I realise – the most profound healing space one can provide is for oneself. As for others, a deep silence is the best thing you can offer them to assist their healing; the rest happens automatically.

So what is this healing space? In my current understanding, it is merely a complete acceptance of one’s current state. We are so conditioned by our past lives, parents and the society that we have to live by stereotypes. Among the people I meet, I see this at its worst – people trying to live upto the stereotypes of what they believe are spiritual people.

When we live with stereotypes in mind, we have a set of qualities and behaviours we expect from ourselves and people of a certain category. For example, ‘I am an honest person’, ‘I am intelligent’, ‘Spiritual people are not interested in material things’, ‘Rich people live in big houses and buy expensive things’. We classify ourselves too, and when we violate those stereotypes, there can be one of two reactions – either panic, or denial. Both are not very conducive to healing, and both lead to another problem – difficulty in loving oneself. So as you can imagine, it leads to a downward spiral, as a lack of love toward oneself further leads to panic and denial, and make more mistakes.

Let go of stereotypes. Its all ok. It is ok to be a ‘bad’ person. No matter what you do, you are still lovable. We’re taught from childhood consciously and subconsciously that actions make a person worthy of being loved. This belief prevents us from loving our dear ones as well as ourselves completely – because we perceive actions and intentions as good or bad, and judge a person from our very limited perspective. As Mahatma Gandhi used to say, ‘hate the sin, not the sinner’.

So how do we begin healing ourselves? Obviously observeration is a pre-requisite. The simplest thing is to observe ourselves when we make judgments about others. Negative judgments are always nothing but a reflection of something inside us. When we feel negatively about a person, we can try putting ourselves in their position, and ask ourselves if we would still love ourselves if we were that person. It is a good idea to write down our feelings at this point, and take it deeper from there, asking again and again what is the feeling beneath the feeling we have just identified.

The next step would be to watch out for any sudden reaction. The moment we find ourselves resisting something, arguing too hard, or trying not to think of something, we know we’ve hit pay dirt. No matter how uneasy it makes us feel, it is wonderful if we can take a deep look at what we are trying to avoid. We start with acceptance of the action or feeling, that it is perfectly ok to have done something or felt a particular way. Then we explore that emotion deeper, and start toying with it. What are we really feeling? What is the feeling beneath this feeling? Does this feeling invoke any memories? Meditate on it. Irrespective of how far we get, our work is to merely observe. There is no good or bad and we do not make judgments about what comes up.

Obviously, one gets much better with practice, and once we’re good at helping ourselves, helping others do the same becomes markedly easier.

7 Stages of Happiness

7 Stages of Happiness

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My parents were interested in an Indian Guru Tej Parkhi for some time. They bought some of his small, easily readable books. They contained some nice pearls of wisdom. Here’s one that I found quite interesting. It talks about the various stages of happiness that we experience as we go through life. None is better than the other, they are merely stages, but it helps to know what it is we are experiencing.

Every person experiences multiple stages, different stages in different situations. Our energies fluctuate, and so do our sources of happiness.

In the eternal quest for happiness, we go through seven levels of happiness until we attain what we have always wanted… ultimate bliss…

1) Artificial happiness does not even actually exist.

It is just little material pleasures that makes a person feel happy for a moment.

Retail therapy is one of the biggest examples of this happiness. One pays more than required for something they don’t need. They then mistake those few moments where they can forget the mundane boredom of their lives, for happiness.

2) Second hand happiness : This is pleasure derived by making fun, taunting, bullying or troubling others.

Making fun of others is very commonplace these days, and this is a clear indication that the person has not learned to connect with the universal source. Again, this is not really happiness, it is merely the act of trying to make another look smaller so that one can forget one’s own flaws for a while.

3) Stimulation happiness : This happiness is aroused by excitement.

Excitement could be found in adventure sports like bungee jumping or river rafting, or even in more common incidents in life, like doing something new, achieving a goal, winning something, etc.

During excitement, the mind stops working for a few moments, and one comes in touch with the Source. People then chase exciting activities to experience that again and again.

4) Formula happiness : This kind of pleasure is created by applying a formula.

For example, the formula for some people might be Movie + Dinner = Enjoyment.

5) Happiness through service : This is the first amongst higher levels of happiness where an individual derives happiness out of serving others.

The ego slowly starts to dissolve in this state, and one is able to see that everything is one. Thus, bringing a smile to others brings great joy.

6) Divine happiness : In this kind of happiness, a person experiences joy due to his devotion and surrender to the Higher Self.

The one thing that prevents us from being happy, is stress. Stress comes when we are resisting the present moment. When this resistance starts fading and is replaced by devotion and surrender, our inherent happiness starts to surface.

7) Eternal Bliss : This ultimate stage of everlasting pure happiness – everything is happiness.

In this stage, the union with the Source is complete. There is no one to surrender, there is no one to surrender to. One becomes an embodiment of the pure bliss that the universe already is.

Healing Space

Healing Space

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I attended a wonderful workshop with the author of ‘Relationship as a Spiritual Pathway’ with Jacqueline M Longstaff this week, and I’d like to share some of the wisdom I gained over there. I am not done reading the book yet, so there may be more later. She spoke of a lot of things, but as the title suggests, I’m going to be writing about one aspect of the workshop – the healing space.

The workshop was about how to use relationships as a ladder for spiritual growth. When two people come together in a relationship they might open up, letting their vulnerabilities show and creating potential for deep healing. After the initial ‘honeymoon’ phase is over, cleansing begins, and both people can help each other heal and become more complete beings. Commitment in such a relationship is very important since once the healing begins, a lot of things come up and if the partner was to walk away at this point it would leave the other quite devastated.

While Jacqueline spoke of the healing space with respect to a relationship, I’d like to discuss it from an individual point of view, as most people I interact with haven’t yet found a partner who can help them heal and become whole. A healing relationship doesn’t have to imply one only with a partner, therapist or guru. Before we seek all these, we need a healing relationship with ourselves.

Working from the heart was one of the first things we were taught in the workshop and I found this to be tremendously healing. She would just play some heart music and ask us to meditate on the heart, breathing from the heart (to elaborate, imagine a nose IN your heart, breathing, and then do away with the nose). Click here to listen to what she played. Infact, I suggest that you stop right now, listen to this song as you breathe from the heart and then continue reading.

When in a relationship, before discussing anything important, it is essential to spend some time breathing from the heart, and then speaking from the heart to the other person. This completely changes the energies of the discussion and makes both people more receptive to each other. When we open up to each other, suppressed emotions come up, and may result in the person experiencing cleansing symptoms, such as anger, depression, erratic behaviour, etc. We have to learn to accept each other’s emotional patterns, but never make the mistake of thinking of them as real. Remind yourself that these are merely passing phases in a healing journey.

Now look at the same concept from the point of view of being alone. In these rapidly changing times, most people on earth are experiencing intense healing and growth, and are lost in the search of someone else to provide us that healing space, that love and energy that we need to heal and get back up. To allow someone else to heal, we need to respect their needs, love them deeply and be willing to hold them through the difficult time. To allow ourselves to heal, we need to respect our own needs, love ourselves deeply, and be willing to accept every bit of the misery we put ourselves through, on this healing journey.

This is difficult when you’re feeling weak and broken yes, but only when you are not centered in the heart. If we only spend some time everyday breathing from the heart and letting ourselves just be, we would find this journey getting easier by leaps and bounds. Contrary to normal circumstances where most people are busy exhausting themselves by resisting their emotions and situations, this gives us space to heal and allows us to nurture ourselves. It also creates a deep acceptance of our own situation and reduces dependency on loved ones for emotional support.

It is natural if you feel your understanding is incomplete when you read this the first time. I suggest practicing breathing in the heart and observing your thoughts and feelings for a week to integrate the idea of a healing space into your life.

I found music very useful in this journey and here are a few more tracks that you could play when you’re breathing in through your heart.
Ek Omkar – Snatam Kaur
Long Time Sun – Snatam Kaur
The Flame of Transmutation and Freedom – Erik Berglund